Halla Bol!!

Today was the day. And it was fun! We finally held a protest to form an official student body in our 'Institute'. And what precisely led to this 'awakening' among our pathetically pessimistic junta?

A final year guy was using a Professor's account to access the net. Apparently, those guys had been using the account for a week, which meant the Prof couldn't use the account. So, he complained. If sources are to be believed, the account password was 'nitrkl123'. I don't know who is more dumb, the students for continuously using the account, or the Prof for the insanely difficult to crack password.

The guy was caught red-handed using the account in his room by the IT guys who had tracked him down. The Director, high on absolute power, thought he could make an 'example' out of this one too. The victim was punished by making him stay back for a 9th semester, so that he could compel other Profs to change their password, you know how... But if you ask me, a 'cyber' crime merits a 'cyber' punishment. Cancel his internet account!

Normally, the punishment would have gone unnoticed among the scores of other such harsh punishments. But, this guy was the topper of his batch. The topper!!! How could they do this to a topper! Imagine, we were all toppers at some time, and this guy, he is the topper among us! He HAS to be GOD!!!!

So at 2 o'clock under the red-hot blazing sun, the smart ones like me, who wore a BLACK t-shirt, which is extremely appropriate for such weather, gathered in front of the main building. Eventually the Director came, and presented a list of things which he agreed to, which basically meant "I agree to do everything but I shall do nothing".

Cut to the point, I think the student body will be toothless. Like a octogenarian. 40% representation in DISCO, bicameral student body, sounds like the President of India has more power. This whole thing is like reservations, it gives us hopes without actually doing anything concrete to realize it. The only minor inconvenience that this will cause to the administration is, that they will have to buy a new file to keep our complaints pending in.

All this, and the Director still hasn't agreed to waive the guy's punishment.

NITR Circus

Here's a vid we made as a part of the Language Lab curriculum. Enjoy(??).

Bournvita Piyo...

Q: Why did David Blaine refuse from performing at night?
A: Kyunki jab dhoop hoti hai tabhi jadoo kaam karta hai.

Truly Asia ?

Finally. The Sharia law courts in Malaysia are changing their prejudices against women by caning women.

The court had ordered for a lady who had committed the unforgivable, un-sanctimonious, carnal act of drinking beer. How could she? Didn't she know that that's equivalent to treason in Malaysia?

Well, at least we can expect women to be treated on par with men with more acts of corporal punishment like amputation, stoning, etc in store for them. Who knows, maybe the day when even men are made to wear a burkha and married off at a young age isn't so far away.

As they say- "Malaysia, Truly..."

P.S.- Check out-Banned from B.E.P concert.

Alternate Careers

Today, I had gone to an orphanage for Ganesh Puja. Listening to the priest chanting the mantras, I realized that I knew most of them, and could become a priest if I don't get a job.

So, I started wondering, what other careers could our Director, S.K. Sarangi (SKS), choose. Of course some of them would be bad choices, the others would be dream jobs.

So, Let's start with the good choices.

With infinite patience, and a story ready for every occasion he could easily become a good story-teller. He could go on and on with the same story for ages.

He could also be a good bureaucrat. I'm sure he could convince anyone in the office to scratch his nose for him, courtesy-"My hands are tied". Heck, that guy could even convince the Pope into believing he'd bedded a cheap, fat, ugly and stricken-with-the-wrong-type-of-disease hooker.

A coach. It would be a nightmare for the players. He would keep shifting the players to new positions as soon as they are accustomed to their present one. Even worse, he will assign the same position to two of the senior-most players.

A Police Inspector. What a nightmare that would be for criminals!! Imagine he encounters two thugs, and then he's face to face with them with his gun aimed at them.
SKS-"Hands up!"
Thug#1-"Was he addressing you or me?"
Thug#2-"Dunno. But he has only one gun. One of us will escape."
SKS-"Its no use guys. I shoot from the lip."

Now, the bad choices.

A prostitute. The fact that he's squint-eyed, 70 years old and has as much hair on his head as the BJP have young leaders is not the least of obstacles. Imagine him mouthing his trademark, "My hands are tied" to a customer, you'll get the picture.

An actor. The fact that he's ugly is not a problem. In fact , he's better than some of those WWE material guys with enough hair to start a wig factory who pass off as actors down south. But, wouldn't it be a bit difficult for the leading lady when he says, "Look into my eyes..."??

A call centre employee. Imagine this conversation-
SKS-"Hello, how may I help you sir?"
Customer-"My router has been on since the last 3 days, but now it seems to have stopped working."
SKS-"You see sir, the Internet was first implemented in CERN...."
After about 1 hr.
SKS-"...and that's why you should try turning it off and then on again."
Customer-"You motherf****** brown son of a brown b****!"

Lastly, but more importantly, the one that concerns us all. The Director of an educational 'Institute'. You can say your good-byes and RIP to fun.

Level 12 Withdrawal Symptoms

This guy was a WoW (World of Warcraft) addict. His mother canceled his subscription and the rest, is history...

video

Living like pigs, eating like pigs...sick like pigs?

Just when we thought that life in this shithole couldn't get worse, just when we had gotten used to sacrificing 85% of our time by the way of attending class, just when we had gotten used to barely-edible food and the stinking and hopelessly filthy toilets, comes this grave piece of news that stings like the last gun-shot of the fatally wounded villain in a Hindi movie. Is it conjunctivitis, is it another bout of measles, no its swine flu!

Yes, it's here. But the Administration,as always, maintains its stand of, "Look! do you see that 500 kg,6 foot long tiger with razor sharp teeth and claws that can cut through steel that's advancing menacingly towards us? Don't worry, it won't hurt us." So, accordingly they have not declared a holiday and have not suspended classes, or arrange for at least some kind of transportation for suspect students, entrusting perfectly healthy students with that responsibility, or provide us with face masks.

Gandhiji would have been proud of this kind of passive resistance.

But I guess people, especially Indians would always make the most of such situations.
Vendors start selling fake face masks at exorbitant rates.
Mediapersons(read India TV) start broadcasting 24*7 coverage of the latest victim to be affected, where he hails from, what he was wearing, what his neighbours in his native place think about him and start a SMS opinion poll on whether he should have shook hands with that foreigner on board that plane which he boarded from the US.
People like me will undoubtedly sneeze our way in those crowded Virar locals."Arrey thoda sa jagah de do naa boss....Aaaachooooo!!"
The more creative-type of producers(Rakhee ka Swayamvar,Roadies...) will surely start a reality TV show on swine flu. I'm sure they'll select some dumb ass C-grade celebrity for the show who'll say "Please don't vote me out because I'm a vegetarian and i can't get swine flu"!

And finally, a math related PJ.

Q: What do you get if you delay swine flu?
A: Cos Flu (swine flu - sine flu ????)

OP-AMP Fiasco

There's this one person in my class who thinks of himself as a stud. Lets call him "Mr. Wannabe". Wannabe is the laughing stock of the class, even though we have quite a number of contenders for that title. Probably that's the only achievement in his life yet.

Wannabe has the most awkward wardrobe in our class. He would beat Govinda hands down with respect to bad dressing sense. That would probably be his second most worthy achievement. He sits on the very first bench in class. During lectures, he gives a very intense look as if he were constipated since birth. Particularly funny is when he looks around class after this charade to confirm whether other people followed what was being taught in class or whether its only him. And this thing happens every 2 minutes. During practicals, he heads first to the GMATs to understand what the practical is all about. He literally hangs around for about an hour,waiting on the GMATs like followers of a sadhu would till he speaks. And finally after whiling away an hour he tries to scavenge on bits and pieces of information from other people. Still unable to understand anything, he sits down and bitches about faulty instruments or the lack of infrastructure or the lousy teachers.

This amazingly hilarious incident took place about the same time last year during one of our practical courses. The professor in-charge of the lab was pretty strict, insisting on reading up on the subject to be covered in the lab. And the loafers that we are, we didn't do what was asked of us. Wannabe as usual turned up in his ever trendy and hip attire. Everyone was asked questions about the topic-OP AMPs. The prof asked him a very simple question,"What is an OP-AMP?" What follows was and will be the most amazingly funny answer i've heard till now.

Wannabe twisted and contorted his face to look as serious as a priest about to deliver his sermon and answered,"An OP-AMP is basically a triangle."

Lack of time prohibits me from fully expressing my feelings and thoughts about this fiasco. But i have a few PJs ready.

Q: What did Wannabe say when asked about an inductor?
A: Inductor is basically a spring!

Q: What did Wannabe say when he first say a girl wearing a bikini?
A: Why is that girl wearing OP-AMPs?

Q: What is Wannabe's favourite brand of chips?
A: Bingo.

Q: Who is Wannabe's favourite mathematician?
A: Pythagoras.

Q: What is Wannabe's favourite snack?
A: A samosa.

It seems i have forgotten most of the PJs i had cracked about him. But i think these ones should suffice :D

Racism

I thought of this upon seeing my friend's, whom i shall henceforth refer to as "Mr. Narcissus", Gtalk status message. It read, and at the time of writing this post, still reads "To 63 years of kicking Britain's arse..:D :)".

For those people whom general knowledge is that geriatric head of the army, today, the 15th of August is the Independence Day of India.

That status message sent a wave of sympathy down the dark, filthy and rotten gutter that is my soul. Surprising isn't it? Sympathy, and me!!!

Anyways, I tried explaining to Narcissus why he was a racist, but he wouldn't listen at all as he was busy admiring his reflection in the mirror.

So, we should not discriminate against those firangs just because they were bastards. That's like hating Bush just for Iraq!!

I agree that Gandhi kicked their red ass using non-violence and civil disobedience even though we were the "uncivilized" country for preferring hands to toilet paper. Agreed that they are still a Monarchy in spite of we being the Indians. AGREED that they are a more rigid society than us despite their literacy shooting towards the stars when compared to ours. AGREED that they are technologically challenged when compared to us.Heck, they are even dumber and less opportunistic than us.

Who knows, they might someday wake up in cold sweat after having a nightmare in which a giant, moustached, pot-bellied, bespectacled man tells them,"HAVE YOU TRIED TURNING IT OFF AND THEN ON AGAIN?"

Whatever may be the reason, we should not discriminate against those poor, fair-skinned people. They are the same as us...NOT!!!
Hyuk hyuk hyuk !!!

P.S.- How do you stop an Englishman from drinking his tea?
You cut off his pinky!!

Monkey Business

Hahaha....

So, the Director of Alipore Zoo has been sacked for the theft of 8 non-native monkeys that are found in only 2 zoos in India and which are ironically known as common marmosets. Probably named by the same person who coined "common sense"??

Maybe they should appoint Satyam's ex Ramalinga Raju as the new Director. Then see the 'rise' in the number of animals...

They should replace the stolen monkeys with Harbhajan Singh /Andrew Symonds. That would be an assured crowd puller.Or Rakhi Sawant. I can already visualize a little boy complaining to his mummy,"Shouldn't a monkey's backside be swollen instead of its chest?"

Or we should replace them with politicians. Lets see them stage a walkout now!

Statutory warning : Do not read the following lines if u have an IQ>120.
Q:How does a monkey change the lightbulb?
A:It waits till someone changes the adjacent lightbulb and then imitates him.
Don't say you weren't warned!

Sad Day

Yesterday was a very disturbing day even for me, with the untimely death of student in our campus followed by the tremors of the earthquake. But I still came up with one very sick one.

Q : How many Gandhians does it take to screw a lightbulb?
A : 200. They go on hunger-strike till the bulb screws itself into place.

Mera No 1...

Yay!!! Its my first post.The first ever.

So as the title suggests i shall aim to be the most logical man on earth...or was it the other way round??Anyways, the reason i started this blog is because everyone has a blog. Just like everyone, no matter how much they look like the great "Mithun Da" has a girlfriend. And how all of those type of people are in my college. Or how my backside is itching. I'm thinking too much.

So folks, i hope my God given talent of sounding incoherent amuses you or at least disturbs you.

P.S.- Why does a Gujju not buy 2 cars?
Because then it will be be-car.(be in Gujju means 2)