WADA To Introduce Compulsory Tests At Concerts

Close on the heels of WADA announcing the 'whereabout' rules contract for Indian cricketers, comes another attempt to rid the world of drugs. Now WADA has proposed regular tests after concerts to stop drug use in concerts.

This has been confirmed by the WADA Chairman, John Fahey. "Musicians often use drugs to write songs and create music. The use of drugs by musicians also helps in increasing their performance during concerts. Isn't this akin to use of drugs to build up muscle and enhance one's performance in sports? We have to stop such dishonest people."

Deo.....errr Dio, as always, had an opinion on this matter

This move is aimed to reduce the 'artificial' competition among rock and heavy metal bands by forcing musicians to rely only on their talent and technique. Lame-ass Indian bands who do not take drugs are beleived to be positively ecstatic about this new regulation. A wannabe rockstar whose band enters the Channel [V] Launchpad every year had this to say, "Yes! Finally we will get a level playing field. Till now all the other bands made us look like those cute kittens on youtube. But no more!"

But certain stars who are known only for sex and drugs and not rock'n roll, like Courtney Love, had this to say, "F*** you WADA!"

Surprisingly, some fans openly welcomed this new initiative. "Hell yeah, bring it on!", they cried in unison. "There is always a competition to see which country has the best crowds. I'm sure plenty of those people in foreign countries behave wildly because they are on drugs. But Indians are totally hardcore. Indians crowds don't need drugs to be rowdy. Now let's see who is the best audience!"

The economic fallout of this move is expected to immense, and drug manufacturers in the USA have already appealed for a bailout, even as the Taliban and Al-Qaeda have begun thinking of new ways to finance their operations.

The Stampede

(For maximum effect read the following post in very soft, mature, and all-knowing voice in your mind, like they do on the Discovery channel documentaries)

While on my recent escapades in Bengaluru, I was fortunate enough to be able to study the charecteristic behaviour of the wildlife of the concrete jungles.

Life in the concrete jungles is marked by a certain peculiar activity. The residents of the jungle participate in a cyclical stampede, occuring twice everyday. After observing the wildlife from a deck perched high upon the concrete canopy for a period of four weeks, I have ascertained that the cycle starts for the first time early in the morning, and then in the evening. This cycle seems to persist for at most six days at a stretch, with majority of the animals prefering to abstain from the stampede on the sixth day, ending with almost every animal resting on the seventh day. Interestingly, the younglings of the jungle prefer to join in this stampede precisely on the sixth and seventh days, when the cycle is at its end.

As there are laws governing the functioning of any system, there is also one law that governs this stampede. The popular law proposed by Darwin, "Survival of the fittest" has been aptly modified to predict the statistical behaviour of this stampede. Hence, the law that governs this stampede is, "Arrival of the fittest."

Among the various species that participate in the stampede, the role of the bus-polluti inefficenti is most interesting. The inefficenti is the numero uno among the participants of this stampede. Being the largest species in size, it is least threatened by the other species during the stampede. Thus, it tends to boss over the various other species, disregarding the laws that others religiously follow. It's status in the concrete jungle is similar to that of the Lion in the jungle.

Second largest in size is the contingent of the honkerous car-sedan. What they lack in size as compared to buses, they make up in strength. They are the single largest species that participate in the stampede. They are usually peace-loving and duly obey rules, showing regard for the smaller species most of the times. But sometimes after nightfall, fuelled by alchohol, they tend to kill the very humans that tend to and create the car-sedan. Another species which mimics the appearance of the car-sedan, called the electricus Revas, though not as powerful or big, also participate in the stampede. The car-sedan species can be compared to the buffaloes in wild.

The next species are the autoricksus pesti and the bikus revvus. Altough the autoricksus is as large as the Revas, it is more strong, both in terms of power and number. The autoricksus are a species that have a strong social network, and have a good knowledge about the concrete jungle and use this knowledge to their advantage. They are also known to share this knowledge with most of the other species. They are a very crafty and oppurtunistic species, and are known to exploit any amount of space to strengthen their position in the stampede. Similar in nature is the bikus. Altough significantly smaller than the autoricksus, they are on an equal footing. Furthermore, the bikus is also known to utlitize pathways called footpaths used for a plankton like species called pedestrians. Both the bikus and the ricksus species can be compared to intelligent animals like the apes.

Latest developments in the stampede include the evolution of the locomotus enginus into a species called Namma Metro.