tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25346178558372310262024-03-13T17:51:51.499+05:30404 Error : Logic not foundUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-67660312667210697862013-10-19T12:44:00.001+05:302013-10-19T12:44:59.447+05:30Writing Practice<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I had a sudden realization today and I really identify with Chandler from friends. All these days, I had been saying to myself that I do not care about work because I never dreamed about end to end delay or audio/video quality. Sadly, I realized that I do deeply care about some things, and I caught myself pining to go back to work and see through the task I had left unfinished. Maybe, it is the satisfaction derived from being productive, of having seen a difficult task through with good results to show for my efforts. How pathetic. Pathethic because if true, I had to wait for such a long time since my birth for this. I am only fully revelling in this experience now. Maybe this is why I turn to cleaning and other household chores during those now ever-so-frequent, spontaneous and short-lived moments of personal crises. If only I had the testosterone and adrenaline rush of the days of my early youth, which I mistook for sheer will, to actually get those things done which have no immediate payoffs, but are nevertheless very important. What I need now is a source of suffering so devastating that it catalyses my ongoing efforts to keep myself from being distracted. I can only write this measly stub of paragraph for now because of said state of being distracted.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-28707301914011426602013-07-23T20:18:00.000+05:302013-07-23T20:18:19.602+05:30Watching Movies Alone<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Disclaimer : This post is most definitely not worth reading. This is just an exercise.<br />
<br />
Everyone seems to have an instinctive reaction that stops them from going to the movies alone. That is crazy because going to the movies is not a group activity. Playing team sports is a group activity and there's a very good reason why a football match is called off when the number of players in a team drops below a number. The reason is, continuing with that activity beyond such a point is so difficult and idiotic that if you were to continue, you would very rightly be called manly.<br />
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That is thankfully not true of watching movies at a theatre. Thing is, people think going to a theatre is like going to a pub or a disco. It's not. Stag entries are allowed at theatres, aren't they? Unlike a disco or a pub, does the movie watching experience at a theatre depend on the quality or quantity of the people accompanying you? It does not. Even if nobody brings friends who have an odd sense of humour to the movies, people who laugh at all the wrong parts still manage show up. The movie watching experience will largely remain the same.<br />
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I have absolutely no problems with going to the movies alone, but that is primarily because of the definition of manliness as stated in the first para. What I find disturbing is my parent’s reaction to the whole affair. My parents belong to that generation that firmly believe that praying daily, polishing one's boots daily, etc. are "character-building" activities. My parents regularly "encouraged"(threatened) me to "invest"(waste) my time in such character-building activities. And somehow, going to the movies alone does not fall into the category of character-building activities! They think it is necessary to accompany me even if they don't like the movie. I have (obviously) used this to my advantage and now my parents accompany me, but they usually watch some other movie simultaneously in the multiplex.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-39483622871946981022013-02-11T20:52:00.002+05:302013-02-11T20:56:56.408+05:30A hypothesis on why the seediest places have the best food and tea<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Last Sunday I walked in all, 12 kilometers, just so I can taste good tea. Let me digress to say I envy motherfornicators like N.D. Tiwari who has everything intact at that age, because tea is the kryptonite to my digestive system. And I'm only in my early twenties. Let's put it this way, being in my vicinity after I have had tea on an empty stomach is the closest you'll come to experiencing a <a href="http://dragonball.wikia.com/wiki/Spirit_Bomb" target="_blank">spirit bomb</a>.<br />
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After I had walked around 5 kilometers, I finally reached the place and it was the dirtiest, blackest, seedy lair of eagles and carrion eaters (there was a beef market on that road) and flies. It made the the famous/notorious toilet scene from Trainspotting look tame in comparison. That's when I knew I was going to have the best tea I have had in quite some time there.<br />
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See, it's like this. When you live in a place like that, you know you're fucked. The pavement is as black as the road, the only way you can tell them apart is because of the cesspool in the gutters. All sorts of carrion eating creatures are visible, which means if you are brave enough, you'll be rewarded with the sight of a dumping ground of unwanted flesh, hide and bones. I'm squeamish already.<br />
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To add to that, you don't have enough disposable income to buy contraceptives and to keep your half dozen kids in school. Buying a truck to transport your populous family when you are not using it to transport freshly butchered meat is your idea of a good investment. Womens' idea of freedom is being let out of the house to buy groceries without a man having to supervise you.<br />
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When you are in a place like that you don't want to live. You secretly wish your life expectancy is much shorter than average. You want to die. You wish your adversaries and arch-nemesis live to a ripe old age. You want to die that bad. And when you are so desperate for it to end, you want it to end with a bang.<br />
<br />
That's when I knew I'd be having great tea. I had two cups and a samosa. <br />
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<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-37178980577834206602010-12-15T02:08:00.000+05:302010-12-15T02:08:00.993+05:30The WaitHe was like any other child. Until his teens that is. It was in his teens that he first faced this problem. It was his heart. His heart constantly pined for something. What it was that his heart pined for, he did not know. Many a days were spent gazing absently at inanimate objects and the sky in hope of divine intervention. <br />
His heart lurched in his chest, it revolted violently. It would not permit him to complete any task. At first, it would become very excited to. But later, it always deceived him, deciding that what lay at the end was not what it pined for. It would wait till he would rest, midway through the task, when his guard was down. And then, it would scream savagely. Midway through the task he would be reminded of that thing he could not have. Thus, he would be cheated of the fruits of his labour. Never, even by mistake, or out of pity, did it ever grant him a happy moment. Very soon, his heart demanded everything he had. All his faculties were focussed on his heart. Day or night, asleep or awake, he was always engaged in asking his heart what it pined for. But his heart was stubborn. Not once did it disclose the secret. Slowly, his heart lost patience with him, and he with his heart. <br />
He had learned from an ascetic that there was a way to get rid of one's heart. But what exactly the procedure was, the ascetic did not know. He was instructed to travel to a far off land, where lived an ancient tribe that practised the dark arts. So, leaving behind his family, home, friends and everything he held dear, he left for that distant land. The journey was in itself very treacherous, filled with numerous temptations. He encountered many people who were headed for the same destination. But he beat them all and reached the destination first. He learned that to get rid of his heart, he would have live in complete isolation. He had to study the voluminous scriptures of the tribe while in isolation. And so, study the scriptures he did. The scriptures were filled with all things evil about the universe. It taught him about the malice in even the seemingly good things. In time, it taught him to manipulate ideas to justify what he was doing. It strengthened his brain to the point where it could oust the heart out of his body. And thus, he got rid of his heart. <br />
Free of this bondage, he was happy for the first time in his life. He was no longer tortured by emotions and could complete any task that he took up. He completed many tasks that he had abandoned previously. To see a task to completion gave him immense satisfaction. He tried new things in life. His brain would give him a very strong rationale for doing whatever he wanted to do. But then, he faced new problems. Even tough he had very strong reasons and ideas to continue what he was doing, he was no longer interested. The hope that the next task may be that what his heart pined for was long gone. He was lost. Directionless, he lost the will to live. He wanted his heart back. But, the effects of the dark arts were irreversible. There was no way to get his heart back, except for starting all over again. But his brain, that loathsome coward, regardless of how hard he tried, refused to provide him with a reason to end his life. The very rationale that enabled him to terminate his tasks was hindering his termination.Trapped, and a slave of his brain, he was left with no choice but to wait for his death and start over again.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-72978165734720187882010-07-05T15:34:00.003+05:302010-07-05T16:01:37.409+05:30How To: Stop Behaving Like A Sissy, Plot The Downfall Of The Opposition While Rubbing Your Hands With DelightImmediately after becoming BJP President, Nitin Gadkari reshuffled the party management. Out went all the old leaders, in came all the dashing, young ones (who were only 5-6 years younger). Gadkari tried to revitalize the party by imbibing the famed RSS discipline and by blending professionalism, glamour, youth and experience. <a href="http://www.zeenews.com/news556417.html">Chintan Baithaks were organized</a>, differences among the senior party leaders and infighting was resolved, <a href="http://www.zeenews.com/news626235.html">opposition party leaders were abused</a>. After waging a mini crusade against their traditional style of functioning, the BJP finally comes up with it's most ingeniously creative and original idea yet - a bandh.<br />
<br />
So, as Rajnath Singh, Nitin Gadkari, and countless other party workers court arrest, the only ones rubbing their hands with delight in that comically devilish manner is the Congress top brass.<br />
<br />
As the old, cheesy movie adage goes,"look within yourself, for the answer will come from within". The BJP too has a dormant giant within its rank. And to unleash this giant, all it has to do is follow my diabolical plan, i.e. how to Pwn the opposition and rub your hands with delight in a comically devilish way<br />
<br />
Step 1 - Obliterate Sonia Gandhi.<br />
Step 2 - Castrate Rahul Baba and place him under house arrest.<br />
Step 3 - Kill Priyanka Gandhi.<br />
Step 4 - Publicise Maneka and Varun Gandhi as the only living members of the Gandhi clan.<br />
Step 5 - Wait for the next general elections. <b>GAME OVER CONGRESS</b>.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-599928085116521532010-05-07T17:53:00.000+05:302010-05-07T17:53:41.587+05:30How To: Bang 72 VirginsThe fast-track court finally senteced Kasab to death by hanging. That's right. DEATH SENTENCE for a JEHADI. So, today I can sleep peacefully knowing that terrorists are absolutely petrified of the Indian judiciary. And also because of the fact that this sort of punishment makes the Taliban's policy of stoning people look reeally immature.<br />
<br />
<br />
But all that aside, imagine what would happen if the judiciary penalised offenders by actually helping them to fulful their objective. Death sentence for a jehadi, eh? Hmmmm. So who wants to be a serial rapist? It would actually be a colossal KLPD for the terrorists who prefer to die while 'saving' their brethren in the hope of 'jannat' and 72 virgins. Imagine a serial rapist caught red handed and then being sentenced by the judiciary. Extending the same logic for the Kasab case, the judiciary will 'punish' him. <i>72 virgins,</i> <i>without the death</i>.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-58061127375508993632010-03-27T16:21:00.000+05:302010-03-27T16:21:31.405+05:30Jataka Tales<div style="text-align: center;"><b>WARNING- GRAPHIC CONTENT</b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b> </b></div><br />
Remember those stories we read as children? The one in which anthromorphic animals were the main characters and the story always had a moral? The stories that came with illustrations in thin, glossy books? They were Jataka Tales.<br />
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Recently I created one that could be counted as one of those. It has an animal, actually a reptile as the characters, and an ending that is an invaluable lesson in this age. With actual photographs instead of illustrations. Let's begin.<br />
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Once upon a time, there was a boy lizard who hit puberty. Let's call him Biswajit Panda. He got curious about the birds and the bees, having fully developed sexual organs and all. One fine day in the summer, he ventured out of the hole in the wall that he called home, into the big bad world called room no. B-60. That world was ruled by a towering giant, who literally laughed out loud whenever he would see lizards having sex.<br />
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One day, while turning a corner while in pursuit of a particularly juicy insect, he bumped into this beatiful she-lizard, just as in Bollywood movies. Let us call her Abhipsa Behera.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/S63d49iXLsI/AAAAAAAAANM/_Snhjd-HqBo/s1600/Image001+++730.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/S63d49iXLsI/AAAAAAAAANM/_Snhjd-HqBo/s320/Image001+++730.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><blockquote><i>Biswajit(left), Abhipsa(right)</i> </blockquote></div>After that initial meeting, Biswajit and Abhipsa kept bumping into each other more often. Before you knew it, they were doing each other more frequently than Yousuf Pathan hits sixes. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/S63f_4dQRjI/AAAAAAAAANU/isntpVJPF0U/s1600/Image001+++711.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/S63f_4dQRjI/AAAAAAAAANU/isntpVJPF0U/s320/Image001+++711.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Things were smooth. Biswajit and Abhipsa graduated, both got a job (Biswajit got an actual one, Abhipsa got one done on her boobs) and and got hitched. They were as happy as they could be. That was until a year after their marriage. Then the sex got boring. They would still have sex, but it became monotonous. That's when these minor tussles between the two erupted into full-blown clicking competitions. They were desperate to spice things up and save their marriage.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/S63gePxmA_I/AAAAAAAAANc/zmOGxSZop1w/s1600/Image001+++733.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/S63gePxmA_I/AAAAAAAAANc/zmOGxSZop1w/s320/Image001+++733.jpg" /></a></div><br />
One day, while lying in bed, Biswajit said to Abhipsa,"Let's try something new."<br />
"What?",Abhipsa replied.<br />
"The towering giant has got a funny machine which contains a large volume of water and spews out cool air. I reckon he calls it a 'cooler'"<br />
"So?"<br />
"Let's do it in there."<br />
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And so, Abhipsa and Biswajit proceeded to fornicate in the cooler. They knew a cooler was a very dangerous place. They were aware that it had a device that moved very fast and could dismember you if one would get caught in it. They managed to negotiate that initial problem. But, the bigger problem was, those sick fucks never studied biology in college. So, they never knew that lizards did not have gills. They died a bitter death while making sweet love. But at least they spent their last moments together. And pissed of the giant by making him dispose of their carcasses.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/S63gz2PMRfI/AAAAAAAAANk/R4hdFxZ3664/s1600/Image001+++740.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/S63gz2PMRfI/AAAAAAAAANk/R4hdFxZ3664/s320/Image001+++740.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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<b><i>Moral Of The Story : Practise safe sex.</i></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-32826727212002948672010-03-25T23:39:00.000+05:302010-03-25T23:39:02.644+05:30The Light At The End Of The Tunnel...Recently, there was this case of a 15 year old girl who had been diagnosed as having a tumor in her brain. The tumor was growing deep inside her brain, a few milimeters above her pitutary glands. She was promptly admitted to Ispat General Hospital (IGH), the best hospital in the area. A neurosurgeon was called in from Kolkata to extract the tumor.<br />
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The surgery was a lenghty procedure, and would take about seven to eight hours to complete. The doctor had planned to drill through her skull, and remove a piece of her skull. The tumor would then be cut up, and would be extracted in parts through the hole in her skull.<br />
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The procedure began as planned. The patient was administered anaesthesia, the doctor drilled, and removed a part of her skull. Just as he was about to extract the first piece of the tumor, there was a power cut, which was a very common thing in those areas. The backup was lousy, as in every government funded hospital. The procedure had to be completed on time, the risk of an infection being very high. With scant visibility, and a tolerance of not more than a few microns, the doctor was in a tight spot.<br />
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And the, out of the blue, like an angel sent from heaven, came this suggestion from one of the assistant doctors,<br />
<br />
<i>"Patient ko mentos khilao, dimaag ki batti jalao!"</i><br />
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And everyone lived happily ever after.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.aerojockey.com/fark/mentos.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.aerojockey.com/fark/mentos.jpg" width="234" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Sadly, it doesn't work for him</i></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-28875911897108975322010-03-05T00:39:00.001+05:302010-03-05T00:43:49.230+05:30BullfightingThe literal meaning of the word 'bullfighting' means a sport where you 'fight' with the 'bull'. As in, you fight with the big, heavy beast trying to steamroll you to a pulp.<br />
<blockquote>Bullfighting also known as tauromachy, is a traditional spectacle of Spain, Portugal, some cities in southern France and in several Latin American countries, in which one or more bulls are ritually killed in a bullring as a public spectacle. </blockquote>That's what the wikipedia entry for bullfighting says. But do not be fooled. For that is not what bullfighting means according to me.<br />
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According to me, 'bullfighting' is the art of succesfully 'fighting' the 'bull'. Bull as in absence of truth. In simpler terms, 'bullfighting' means effectively nailing a lie.<br />
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Just as in the sport of bullfighting, the 'matador' has to carefully evade being beaten by the 'bull' that is coming head-on, artfully negotiate the twists and turns, and finally thrust the sword into the 'bull' when it is at its weakest. Or get sterilized without anaesthesia. This 'bullfighting' is different from the sport because in the sport, the matador has to concentrate only on the bull. But this 'matador' has to contend with several other 'bulls' that are spawned spontaneously from the parent 'bull'. In addition, he also has to contend with the trail of excreta called as the 'bullshit' that the 'bull' leaves behind. Because some of it, is plain, obvious, others are not.<br />
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I think everyone has been at both the ends 'bullfighting'. For example, those instances of "my daddy is so strong he can move a train by pushing the train, when he is in the train!" or "I missed school because my <insert here="" relative=""><insert here="" relative=""> died" or ,"I was late because aliens abducted me" or,"You are only one I told this to". </insert></insert><br />
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As in the sport, the 'bull' ends in a gory death. The Clinton-Lewinsky 'bullfight' was one of the shows that garnered greatest viewership.<insert here="" relative=""> Even the <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/trackandfield/news/story?id=3151367">Marion Jones bull</a> ended badly. Recently, the <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2010/jan/20/ipcc-himalayan-glaciers-mistake">Himalayan Global Warming bull</a> was brutally slayed. But, in order to make the ritual of 'bullfighting' more civilized, it has been introduced in a reality tv format titled <i>Sach Ka Saamna</i>.</insert><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.mynews.in/News/dailyimage/news/sach-ka-samna.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://www.mynews.in/News/dailyimage/news/sach-ka-samna.jpg" width="320" /></a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>Viewer Discretion Is Strongly Advised</i> </div><br />
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Occasionally, the 'bull' trumps the 'matador'. The Iraq War was a case where the 'bull' (WMDs) was too big to be brought down. But the 'matador' can be pWned in other ways as well, for instance, <a href="http://www.thehindu.com/2010/03/02/stories/2010030260431300.htm">the retared matador who took on a harmless little rabbit by mistake</a>.<br />
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<br />
The different regions of the world are home to 'bulls' of different shapes and sizes. In my opinion, of all the countries, Pakistan's stable boasts of the finest bulls. Sample this- Osama is not here, Dawood Ibrahim is untraceable, Hafiz Saeed is under house arrest, Indian hand in Balochistan,etc.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://static.ibnlive.com/pix/sitepix/03_2009/rehman-malik-ap-313.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://static.ibnlive.com/pix/sitepix/03_2009/rehman-malik-ap-313.jpg" /></a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>The Man Responsible For Those Magnificent Bulls</i> </div><br />
India has a very interesting variation of bullfighting, the sport, played in Tamil Nadu. The matadors are without weapons and the bull is not killed after the event. Indian 'bullfighting' is also similar, where the 'matadors' are useless against the 'bulls', and cannot finish it off no matter what, even though it has been mortally injured. This is demonstrated by the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruchika_Girhotra_Case">Ruchika bull</a> and the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Jessica_Lall">Jessica bull</a>. Same is the case for the 5 yearly spectacle called the Elections, where every time, the same 'bulls' haunt the masses, but cannot be exorcised for lack of firepower.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-74641577711896726732010-01-14T23:58:00.001+05:302010-01-14T23:58:44.494+05:30WADA To Introduce Compulsory Tests At ConcertsClose on the heels of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Anti-Doping_Agency">WADA</a> announcing the '<a href="http://thatscricket.oneindia.in/news/2009/07/31/tendulkar-dhoni-in-irtp-list.html">whereabout' rules contract for Indian cricketers</a>, comes another attempt to rid the world of drugs. Now WADA has proposed regular tests after concerts to stop drug use in concerts.<br />
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This has been confirmed by the WADA Chairman, John Fahey. "Musicians often use drugs to write songs and create music. The use of drugs by musicians also helps in increasing their performance during concerts. Isn't this akin to use of drugs to build up muscle and enhance one's performance in sports? We have to stop such dishonest people."<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.workhardpr.com/Dio/ronnie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.workhardpr.com/Dio/ronnie.jpg" width="212" /></a><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>Deo.....errr Dio, as always, had an opinion on this matter</i> <br />
</div><br />
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This move is aimed to reduce the 'artificial' competition among rock and heavy metal bands by forcing musicians to rely only on their talent and technique. Lame-ass Indian bands who do not take drugs are beleived to be positively ecstatic about this new regulation. A wannabe rockstar whose band enters the Channel [V] Launchpad every year had this to say, "Yes! Finally we will get a level playing field. Till now all the other bands made us look like those cute kittens on youtube. But no more!"<br />
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But certain stars who are known only for sex and drugs and not rock'n roll, like Courtney Love, had this to say, "F*** you WADA!"<br />
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Surprisingly, some fans openly welcomed this new initiative. "Hell yeah, bring it on!", they cried in unison. "There is always a competition to see which country has the best crowds. I'm sure plenty of those people in foreign countries behave wildly because they are on drugs. But Indians are totally hardcore. Indians crowds don't need drugs to be rowdy. Now let's see who is the best audience!"<br />
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The economic fallout of this move is expected to immense, and drug manufacturers in the USA have already appealed for a bailout, even as the Taliban and Al-Qaeda have begun thinking of new ways to finance their operations.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-78061464997396651402010-01-05T23:25:00.000+05:302010-01-05T23:27:47.139+05:30The Stampede<i>(For maximum effect read the following post in very soft, mature, and all-knowing voice in your mind, like they do on the Discovery channel documentaries)</i><br />
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While on my recent escapades in Bengaluru, I was fortunate enough to be able to study the charecteristic behaviour of the wildlife of the concrete jungles.<br />
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Life in the concrete jungles is marked by a certain peculiar activity. The residents of the jungle participate in a cyclical stampede, occuring twice everyday. After observing the wildlife from a deck perched high upon the concrete canopy for a period of four weeks, I have ascertained that the cycle starts for the first time early in the morning, and then in the evening. This cycle seems to persist for at most six days at a stretch, with majority of the animals prefering to abstain from the stampede on the sixth day, ending with almost every animal resting on the seventh day. Interestingly, the younglings of the jungle prefer to join in this stampede precisely on the sixth and seventh days, when the cycle is at its end.<br />
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As there are laws governing the functioning of any system, there is also one law that governs this stampede. The popular law proposed by Darwin, "Survival of the fittest" has been aptly modified to predict the statistical behaviour of this stampede. Hence, the law that governs this stampede is, <i><b>"Arrival of the fittest."</b></i><br />
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Among the various species that participate in the stampede, the role of the <i>bus-polluti inefficenti</i> is most interesting. The <i>inefficenti</i> is the <i>numero uno</i> among the participants of this stampede. Being the largest species in size, it is least threatened by the other species during the stampede. Thus, it tends to boss over the various other species, disregarding the laws that others religiously follow. It's status in the concrete jungle is similar to that of the Lion in the jungle.<br />
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Second largest in size is the contingent of the <i>honkerous car-sedan</i>. What they lack in size as compared to buses, they make up in strength. They are the single largest species that participate in the stampede. They are usually peace-loving and duly obey rules, showing regard for the smaller species most of the times. But sometimes after nightfall, fuelled by alchohol, they tend to kill the very humans that tend to and create the <i>car-sedan</i>. Another species which mimics the appearance of the <i>car-sedan</i>, called the <i>electricus Revas</i>, though not as powerful or big, also participate in the stampede. The <i>car-sedan</i> species can be compared to the buffaloes in wild.<br />
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The next species are the <i>autoricksus pesti</i> and the <i>bikus revvus</i>. Altough the <i>autoricksus</i> is as large as the <i>Revas</i>, it is more strong, both in terms of power and number. The autoricksus are a species that have a strong social network, and have a good knowledge about the concrete jungle and use this knowledge to their advantage. They are also known to share this knowledge with most of the other species. They are a very crafty and oppurtunistic species, and are known to exploit any amount of space to strengthen their position in the stampede. Similar in nature is the <i>bikus</i>. Altough significantly smaller than the <i>autoricksus</i>, they are on an equal footing. Furthermore, the <i>bikus</i> is also known to utlitize pathways called <i>footpaths</i> used for a plankton like species called <i>pedestrians</i>. Both the <i>bikus</i> and the <i>ricksus</i> species can be compared to intelligent animals like the apes.<br />
<br />
Latest developments in the stampede include the evolution of the <i>locomotus enginus</i> into a species called <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Namma_Metro"><i>Namma Metro</i></a>.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-48239524263443541472009-12-27T17:17:00.001+05:302009-12-28T06:42:21.985+05:30Resume Of A To-Be CM Here is the profile of a CM in waiting :-<br />
<br />
<b>Educational Qualifications-</b><br />
<ul><li>Class 3 dropout.</li>
<li>Awarded honourary doctrate by MIT (Mumbai Institute of Tiffinwalas), estb. 2009, courtesy yours' truly. <br />
</li>
</ul><br />
<b>Work Experience-</b><br />
<ul><li>Part of the team that rigged election booths in Bihar.</li>
<li>One of the 'goondas' who regularly beat up journalists for making statements that were against Indian Culture.</li>
<li>Regularly beat up couples on Valentines Day and threatened to get them married off. </li>
<li>Was Team Leader of Supplies Team for the mob that burnt the opposition leader's house</li>
<li>Regularly clashed with opposition workers over trivial matters, torching buses and cars in the process.<br />
</li>
</ul><b>Projects-</b><br />
<ul><li>'Convinced' scientists to conduct a study showing that deforestation was not linked to global warming, hence the act of selling land occupied by forest to builders has zero carbon footprint. <br />
</li>
<li>Built a 50 foot statue of the party chief, which was installed in a park.</li>
<li>Organised a first of its kind state wide bandh, where there was a bandh only in the constituencies where the opposition won.</li>
<li>'Collected' funds from civilians and shopkeepers for the golden jubilee celebration of the party. </li>
</ul><br />
<b>Achievements-</b><br />
<ul><li>Single-handedly sparked the protests for demand of a new state.</li>
<li>Was acquitted in both of the murder trials, including the appeal of the first one. </li>
<li> Was successful in stopping the 'forceful' conversion of Dalits. Even managed to 'reason' with the nuns operating the missionaries to relocate.</li>
<li> Helped in 'redevelopment' slum areas amounting to 500 acres. Similarly, helped in 'development' of 300 acres of land previously occupied by forests.</li>
<li>Revenue of the Department during my charge as a Minister showed 'marked increase' as compared to previous year's revenue.</li>
</ul><br />
<b>Hobbies-</b><br />
<ul><li>Collecting cars of the Porsche brand.</li>
<li>Hawala </li>
<li>Architecture, especially admiring those in foreign countries.<br />
</li>
<li>Socialising with cricketers and Bollywood actors.</li>
</ul>Sad part is that even though this is a piece of satire, it is still true. <br />
<br />
<ul></ul>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-40842321416167433002009-12-17T21:45:00.000+05:302009-12-17T21:45:24.117+05:30Etymology Of "Like A Developed Nation"Recently the block of developed nations at Copenhagen have undermined the Kyoto Protocol. The Kyoto Protocol states that the industrialized nations have a historic responsibility as they solely contributed to global warming in the past. Hence they should be the ones undertaking the most reduction in green house gases and should also help the developing nations financially and through transfer of technology to reduce emissions. After they effectively shrugged off this responsibility at Copenhagen,what better way to poke fun at them than to coin a new term for irresponsible people?<br />
<br />
Thus the phrase <i>"like a developed nation"</i> is born. It means not owning up to a mistake committed in the past, and trying to pass on the blame to the person/party who is the victim.<br />
<br />
Examples of usage are as follows:<br />
-Girlfriend to boyfriend,"Don't act l<i>ike a developed nation</i> by saying that I was the one who seduced you."<br />
-Pakistan is acting <i>like a developed nation</i> by claiming Indian influence in Balochistan resulted in the civil war.<br />
-The professor behaved <i>like a developed nation</i> by blaming the students for their lack of knowledge.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-72094427451892252212009-12-15T02:00:00.000+05:302009-12-15T02:00:54.600+05:30What Is Really Happening At CopenhagenClimate Change is on everone's mind these days, because of the much publicised Climate Conference at Copenhagen, Denmark. Emission caps, Bali Action Plan and the Kyoto Protocol are the most talked in this conference. People, do not be fooled, for appearances can be deceptive. My ultra-secret sources at Copenhagen confirmed what I had suspected all along. The conference is a sham!<br />
<br />
What we know is far from the truth. The conference has nothing to do with climate change. It is a fierce strategic battle. A battle for caps, quite literally. Leaders of the various nations of the world are trying to divert a catastrophe more devastating than the climate change.<br />
<br />
Each leader is trying to attract celebs to their country, so that their country has a national hobby. And also because the people will pay less attention to the real issues and spend their time following those lame celebs. It is common knowledge that currently, the US is <i>the</i> country that obsesses about celebs. And celebs flock to US because all the pioneering fashion designers are based there. So, the aim of each head of state, is to attract all the celebs to their country, led like rats by their designers.<br />
<br />
They will do this using a very strategic piece of clothing. It is a well known fact that fashion creates a lot of buzz about a piece of clothing that is least useful for regular people. So, what better way to attract fashion designers than by claiming there is a dearth of caps in one's country? It is but obvious that faced with such a business prospect and the opportunity of increasing one's brand value, the designers will flock to such a country.<br />
<br />
That's why all the people at Copenhagen are talking about '<b>caps</b>'. Everyone is concerned about their '<b>caps</b>'. Developed countries say, that developing countries should act responsibly, and help reduce the effect of recession by allowing the designer to stay on in the developed world. Hence India and China should have more <b>caps</b>! But developing countries say, all this dearth of celebs is due to the media (paparazi) of the developed world, which reduces them to a trainwreck. Hence, now it is the developing countries's time, and there should more <b>caps</b> in developed countries.Thus, all countries have thrown their <b>hats</b> into the ring (such puns are irresistable). Such type of childish quarelling resulted in a deadlock at Copenhagen. <br />
<br />
This has resulted in the think-tanks of the various countries putting on their <b>thinking caps</b> and analysing the story about the hat seller who made the monkeys throw their hats on the ground. After all, mankind has evolved from monkeys! These intellectuals have found innovative ways to out-think their competition. They are now claiming that <b>thinking caps</b> are also a variation of the <b>cap</b>, and hence the other countries are not in as much distress as they are!<br />
<br />
All said and done, the conference is boiling down to its final stages. I personally feel that India is brutally handicapped considering that Mr. Manmohan Singh, India's Prime Minister, is a <b>Sardarji</b>. And India also has a long standing tradition where people wear <b>caps</b> and <b>turbans</b> af various colours and hues. Pakistan meanwhile, being a Muslim nation, have either hidden or destroyed all their <b>skull caps</b>. The Interior Minister of Pakistan, Rehman Malik is now claiming that the <b>skull caps</b> do not belong to Pakistan and are demanding proof of the fact that such <b>caps</b> ever existed in Pakistan. To top that, they are demanding financial aid from the USA, claiming that they need it to fight the outflux of caps to Afghanistan!<br />
<br />
Thus, I have succesfully demonstrated that the Copenhagen conference is nothing but a mad-<b>hatters</b>' ball!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-13434370886009477812009-12-10T12:27:00.000+05:302009-12-10T12:27:14.221+05:30Effects Of Hunger Strike ExploredHunger strike is the in-thing these days. Just ask the to-be civilians of the state of Telangana. As such, it is of utmost importance that the phenomenon of hunger strike be analysed. It is a helpful tactic when blackmailing a higher authority. That and it is also of minute relevance to the Telangana issue, which means the media can fill space with such analysis when there is no other 'news' (read liaisons of celebrities) to report.<br />
<br />
The concept of hunger strike is a very noble one, because when you go on a hunger strike, a lot of people follow suit. When a sufficiently large number of people go on a hunger strike, this causes demand for food to drop. Which means, the cost of food will drop despite the inflation and recession. Thus, hunger strike will effectively reduce the food prices, enabling the poor to buy and eat as much food as they can. Thus hunger strike is the only way to reduce hunger!<br />
<br />
Also, as we have seen, the recession has badly affected all forms of commerce, including healthcare. With bailouts for financial firms and automotive giants, the heathcare sector has been plainly ignored. When people will go on a hunger strike, they will require some some form of medication or medical attention, which has been very recently demonstrated by KCR. A large number of people undergoing a hunger strike means an increase in the number of people requiring the services of the healtcare sector. Thus the hunger strike is a bailout for the healthcare sector from the people, for the people, by the people!<br />
<br />
<br />
Besides, the hunger strike is the fountain of youth which will revive the aging BJP to its prime. We all know that the Telangana issue was KCR's baby. But over the years, his idealogy became outdated and lost steam, which is happening to BJP now. Cornered and faced with the possibility of having no political clout at all, KCR did what any respectable politician would do- resorting to blackmail and skullduggery. The BJP should take a page out of the TRS's books and just go on a hunger strike. The issue is secondary, it's the hunger strike that's more important. There, problem solved, no chintan-baithak required! <br />
<br />
<br />
The enterprising show-biz community has already been inspired by the hunger strike. The phenomenon of hunger strike will be modified on the lines of 'brain drain' to create an altogether new concept of 'flab drain' by them. People who will gain the most from this brand-new uber concept will be people like Vandana Luthra and various modeling agencies. 'Flab drain' involves first creating a group of people consisting of Indians and firangs. Then segregate Indians from the firangs, giving a preference to the firangs. The Indians will not be provided with cutlery at all, while the firangs will be given cutlery made of silver. The reason for not providing Indians with cutlery shall be- budget constraints due to provisions of silver cutlery to the firangs. The Indians will go on a hunger strike, at the same time, the firangs will gain weight.<br />
This will benefit obese Indians, at the same time also providing modeling agencies with models who are not overweight for a change.<br />
<br />
There are also very minor issues like destruction of public property in the protests that follow a hunger strike, disruption of life, damage to the industry in terms of loss of production, unnecessarily diverting attention from conferences that discuss climate change and hence the future of the world,etc that shall not be discussed.<br />
<br />
Keeping in mind the numerous positive aspects of a hunger strike, the state of Telangana, which owes their creation to the hunger strike, have already forwarded a demand to waste money for causes other than creation of the state by setting up a diamond-studded memorial with an eternal flame signifying the eternal hunger pangs that one has to endure during hunger strikes. I'm sure Gandhiji and all those married women who fast for their husbands on Karva Chauth would be proud.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-66765598983689269772009-11-23T18:01:00.000+05:302009-11-23T18:01:35.301+05:30No Smoking- The SequelWarning - The following link contains an extremely graphic image.<br />
Today, aimless surfing on the net revealed to me this- <a href="http://imgur.com/THWw0">a warning label on a cigarette pack</a> (Link found on Reddit). The labels on our desi cigarette packs are very ineffective in comparison. A lot of chain smokers would be repulsed after seeing these warning labels.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-61770874139262782582009-11-18T17:51:00.002+05:302009-11-19T21:24:08.900+05:30Civic SenseIt is said that common sense is not common. I beg to differ. I believe common sense as well as civic sense is not common. Civic sense is that basic awareness that you live in society. A society that not only consists of you, but also the millions of people around the world. And that you cannot expect preferential treatment just because your name is known to many people. Or because you have a higher IQ than most people, or have scored more marks than a majority of people. Or, in other words, you cannot undermine other people's rights or privacy, or decline them some facility as long as you are a part of this society.<br />
<br />
As strong worded as the above paragraph may be, what is on my mind is trivial as compared to gender,race or religion bias. What is on my mind is caring for your neighbours. I don't mean serving them <i>garma-garam jalebis</i> when they return from work. In my case, it is as simple as lowering the volume of music, and not treating public property as the dowry you received during your marriage.<br />
<br />
More specifically music. The simple reason why you should not play blaring music, and sing along, changing your voice to match the pitch of the singer, is that people judge you on the basis of your taste of music. Backstreet- fag,Metal- maniac/geek,Classical- girlish,Rap- wannabe firang/cool cat. You get my point. But the other, more traditional reason is, civic sense -your neighbour will get irritated. If I turn out to be your neighbour, I may probably bring a camera and film you swaying to the music, singing in a thin,girlish voice because you can't match the pitch of the Backstreet Boys. And then, I <b>will</b> post it on youtube!<br />
<br />
Or consider this other scenario, where people do some dubious activities where they are not supposed to do it. In my case, when people wash their <b>FEET</b> at the <b>WASH BASIN</b>. I'm sure the makers of the wash basin must have created it for washing your face or hands only. And this becomes much more obnoxious when the bathroom is located just a foot behind you. Bhaina!!(Oriya equivalent of "Dude!") You just have to turn around to wash your feet without inconveniencing anyone else! But no, he washes his feet right there, pouring water out of his palms and onto his feet, allowing everyone else the pleasure of having to tiptoe through the pool of muddy water. I think if I ever catch that guy performing his ritual again, I shall immediately proceed to take a bath in front of the wash basin. If he washed something apart from his hands and face at the wash basin, why can't I do the same?<br />
<br />
Moral of the story is- people will keep on inconveniencing other people, even If you give them a hint that they are doing so. It's just this thing about human behaviour, call it ego if you will, that makes people indifferent, shameless and proud. They only way you can shatter that mirage is by doing things that are most despicable, so that you can harness their 'ego', and force them into thinking,"I'm never going to behave like this retard!". Reverse Psychology at it's best!<br />
<br />
P.S.- Please share your experiences of such shameless behaviour by commenting.<br />
P.P.S.- I have not blown a fuse, please read my previous posts before you judge me on the basis of only this post.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-65574892195761938392009-11-14T21:46:00.000+05:302009-11-14T21:46:29.949+05:30Friday The 13thLast Friday was Friday the 13th. Not as scary as the fact that it was also the day that my Microprocessor lab test was held. Normally, any lab test, or any test for that matter does not freak me out. But this one was different from the others in the fact that a certain G.S.Rath was the teacher handling the lab. I was almost sure he would turn up dressed up as <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jason_Voorhees">Jason</a>.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/Sv7Waxs4sdI/AAAAAAAAAJo/lmBYljYBS5s/s1600-h/fri13_gsr.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/Sv7Waxs4sdI/AAAAAAAAAJo/lmBYljYBS5s/s320/fri13_gsr.JPG" width="0" /></a><br />
</div><br />
<br />
G.S Rath, is no ordinary teacher. By one of my friend's generalization that every department has such a species of Rath(Chemical-P.Rath, Computer Science-S.K.Rath), he is <i>the</i> Rath of the ECE Department. But there are some virtues that sets this particular Rath apart. He is a senior citizen, so is senile and unpredictable. So is my grandfather, you say? But this guy, he will conjure a reason out of thin air to shout and admonish, and dismiss you as a "NIT Bigshot". Consider this. We were not able to write a program he asked us to run. A GMAT took the pains of writing the program, running it on an 8086 emulator on his laptop, debug it, get a printout of that program, and turn out prepared for the next class. He even brought his laptop to the lab to troubleshoot. But, very predictably, the program did not work on the 8086 kit. So he approaches GSR. And GSR scolds him for bringing a laptop to the lab, even as majority of us are discovering innovative ways to pass the time in the lab. But that is what senile old Professors do, don't they? Well, he is not a Rath for no reason. He also cracks these God-level PJs and swears at students in all languages, like Oriya, Sanskrit,etc. Just recently he lavished praise upon someone as being a "tirotpati banaro", or something like that. It's Sanskrit for a monkey whose brain has been ripped out of it's skull. Or sample this, during a lab class, when not a single soul was able to execute a program, he very smugly says," I have set up a Microprocessor Lab in <i>narako</i>(Oriya for hell). Does anyone wan't to go there?", and starts laughing with a vile satisfaction, as if his nemesis has been paraded naked on a donkey. This sparked of a debate that the reason GSR will not die, is because Yamaraj is also afraid of him!<br />
<br />
So, on a Friday the 13th, I prepared myself to face this monster (whom I shall nickname G.S wRath), and answer his questions in the viva voce. Turns out I picked up an chit with an easy program, but the program won't run. So I reluctanlty ask GS wRath why this is happening. Quite predicatably, he smacks his head hard with his palm, and expresses his discontent with a high pitched "Huuuh!". He then gives us a hint, along with niceties like,"Your brain has melted". But the program runs, and GS wRath is satisfied.<br />
<br />
All said and done, I feel the senile and vitriolic nature, not to mention those unbeleivably wild PJs, is why everyone will remember him for a long time. He is no doubt brash with students, but during the lab exams, he handled even the dumbest people with patience, giving them hints and trying to make them realize their mistakes.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-5642451570080997322009-11-02T14:12:00.000+05:302009-11-02T14:12:45.755+05:30Invasion Of The Body Snatchers 2- Kept In The DarkContinuing from my <a href="http://dincoherentmynd.blogspot.com/2009/10/invasion-of-body-snatchers.html">previous post</a>, I am (not) a little sad to announce that aliens have succeded in taking over BJP's President, Rajnath Singh. The media caught wind of the abduction, and <a href="http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/ranchi/Rajnaths-plane-defies-DGCA-norms/articleshow/5143279.cms">was successful in reporting it</a>. But, if they had probed further, they would have come across that which lay just under the surface of things. The entire event was a well planned abduction by aliens. Under the cover of darkness, and at about 3,000 metres above sea level, they swiftly occupied Rajnath Singh's body.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/Su6Zo22LP6I/AAAAAAAAAJM/Pxo_UP9Wn7E/s1600-h/Rajnath.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/Su6Zo22LP6I/AAAAAAAAAJM/Pxo_UP9Wn7E/s320/Rajnath.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>The aliens finished him before he could say,"Jai Shri Ram!"</i><br />
</div><br />
After capturing Rajnath Singh, the aliens started plotting to plunge the people of India into doom. They hatched an evil plan to ruin India forever. Rajnath Singh came out with his latest statement to the media- <a href="http://beta.thehindu.com/news/national/article41645.ece">that there should be laws against mass religious conversions</a>. Those aliens always knew religion controls a barrage of emotions. So what better thing to incite the people with? An approximate translation of his (we now know who it actually was...) statement is as follows-<br />
The BJP has lost elections again. There need to be more Hindus in this country. Mass conversions should be banned and people should be forced to convert to Hinduism. Alleging that Pakistan is supporting conversion should garner enough attention. Thus we shall allow people to "choose their own religion". It is only then that our ideology of Hindutva can be saved from being rendered redundant. Certain states like Arunachal Pradesh, Madhya Pradesh and Jharkand have low Hindu population. We shall to do these states what we did to Gujarat and recently Orissa. Call Togadia!<br />
<br />
Because of this statement, the people of India will completely loose confidence in the BJP and ruin themselves by voting the Congress into power, again and again, and again. Aliens-1,Sardarjis-0.<br />
<br />
But this isn't our only concern. My highly effective intelligence sources tell me that this isn't the first instance. The aliens had already taken over Advani and Jaitley, who kept the other BJP leaders in the dark about ground realities. And they plan to keep this up via Rajnath Singh's statement.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/Su6a7SHi1YI/AAAAAAAAAJU/VIVH5acTZs8/s1600-h/advani_jaitley.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/Su6a7SHi1YI/AAAAAAAAAJU/VIVH5acTZs8/s320/advani_jaitley.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>They are already long gone</i> <br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-2896490358293050382009-10-29T21:52:00.003+05:302009-10-31T17:58:49.058+05:30Invasion Of The Body SnatchersHave you seen, or even heard about the flick, Invasion Of The Body Snatchers? Better watch it, because they are here for real, and they are very swiftly going about their work (body snatching). They have taken the richest and the most powerful men, and they are out to get you. Be alert, be cautious, for when things go bump(or even 'buuurrp") in the night, you may be next. But don't worry if you hear repeated bumps, that's just your neighbour making love. One repeated pattern is victims hearing cries of "WTF!" before being assaulted by the aliens.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/Sum95sklZgI/AAAAAAAAAI8/udsrvdMP0PA/s1600-h/iotbs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/Sum95sklZgI/AAAAAAAAAI8/udsrvdMP0PA/s320/iotbs.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><br />
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The first sighting was in Indonesia, a country that is ultra-conservative, so much so that no one questions religious leaders<i>. <b>Perfect</b></i>. Just recently, they took control of the body of one Ramli Mansyur, regent of Aceh province.Then, they unleashed their diabolical plan. Ramli Mansyur(or so they think) declared recently that under Sharia Law, women shall be <a href="http://in.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idINTRE59Q2IT20091027">banned from wearing tight trousers</a> and shall have to wear ankle length skirts over trousers(so much for the trousers). This is because "If a woman wears pants and tucks her top in, that's wrong. Even if she is wearing a headscarf, her dress can still show her body shape, and that is not perfect Muslim dress". This may seem rational (??) to some of you, but do not be mislead! They will fool all you mortals into believing that showing your figure...errrr, "form" is against Islam. Then they will slowly populate the Earth by taking over these very believers and hiding themselves inside ghastly burkhas and ankle-length skirts. And things have started happening as I write this very article.<br />
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These aliens have already laid siege on some countries and succeeded. Most notably in Pakistan. The alien commander has entered the body of one Rehman Malik (Pakistan's Interior Minister). This was evident in the noticeable difference in Rehman's behaviour. Earlier, he always used to defend Pakistan against allegations of terrorism against India ("Give more evidence!",he said). But now, he is trying to wreak havoc. He has gone on the offensive and is confusing people by claiming that India are funding the Taliban.<br />
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It seems even India is not safe, as these aliens have also taken over some of India's powerful men. They are trying to weaken India's defenses by <a href="http://in.reuters.com/article/topNews/idINIndia-43528320091029?pageNumber=1&virtualBrandChannel=0">withdrawing 15,000 troops from Kashmir</a>. But no need to worry. India was born ready for such challenges. It seems Sardarjis are immune against these aliens's attack. In fact, the aliens tried to attack our P.M.-Manmohan Singh. But the bad ass he is, MMS survived, and later even <a href="http://www.indianexpress.com/news/pak-charges-on-taliban-funding-farfetched-and-false-pm/534885/">retaliated</a>. Just recently he refuted Pakistan's allegations about India funding the Taliban as "far-fetched", and even slammed the OIC (Organisation of Islamic Conference) for appointing an <a href="http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/PM-regrets-OIC-naming-envoy-on-Kashmir/articleshow/5177486.cms">envoy for Kashmir</a>, which is a part of secular India. His trusty sidekick, Montek Singh Ahluwalia even gave a stern warning to these aliens that since India is virtually run by Sardarjis, these aliens should retreat back to their own galaxy. He also added that we have a secret weapon (Harbhajan Singh is my guess), which all Sardarjis will reveal at the stroke of midnight. He even threatened to call for reinforcements (emigrated Sardarjis) from Canada. There is no chance that the aliens can colonize us now. And so, the Earth was saved from the aliens that went "WTF!" by a chance hero- the Sardarjis<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/Sum-3HFac_I/AAAAAAAAAJE/8QxnBiJi6Cs/s1600-h/2006102706830101.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/Sum-3HFac_I/AAAAAAAAAJE/8QxnBiJi6Cs/s320/2006102706830101.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>The aliens also attacked Manmohan Singh, but he beat up their ass by spinning on a rod and thrashing them all, like Neo </i><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">PS - A certain Mr. S.K. Sarangi<i> </i>is sure to have replied to Malik saying,"You send us dossiers and dossiers of conclusive evidence, then we will fake the house arrest of the main accused. Till then, my hands are tied."<br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-1165640342686213982009-10-22T23:04:00.001+05:302009-10-24T11:55:07.128+05:30TwittermaniaThe tweeple of India tweeted their hearts out yesterday. The hot topic of the day was "unlikely Indian books". The tweeple of India were tweeting about fabricated books that had the least probability of being written. The topic was started by <a href="http://www.rakeshjhunjhunwala.in/">@jhunjhunwala</a>, and credit to him for that. Once the floodgates were released, the tweeple tweeted their hearts out. Pretty soon, the Twitter server was overloaded. There were some very innovative, original, and downright funny books and authors. But like most things that are unregulated or unmoderated, a deluge of half-funny and half-disgusting tweets by "pretenders" starting flooding my screen. That was probably the only downside. But then, Indians witness a periodic spectacle of the same nature, called elections, so they are used to it.<br />
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Some of the most funny(read mine-@shishir127) tweets were :<br />
"Sati Savitri" by Sherlyn Chopra<br />
"A Streetcar Named Nano" by Buddhadeb Bhattacharjee<br />
"How To Smile" by S.Mohanty <br />
"How To Remain Incumbent" by Vilasrao Deshmukh<br />
"How To Be Punctual & Obey Deadlines" by Suresh Kalmadi <br />
"Power Dressing" by Shivraj Patil<br />
"Untold Conspiracies" by A.R. Antulay<br />
"How To Attract Foreign Investment" by Buddhadeb Bhattacharjee<br />
"Consistency" by India's past Olympic winners<br />
"Everybody Loves Raymond" by Bombay Dyeing<br />
"Responsible Journalism" by India TV<br />
"It Was All A Hoax, Folks!" by India TV <br />
"My Social Life" by IT Professionals<br />
"I'm Too Old" by Advani<br />
"Customer Satisfaction" by Indian Bureaucracy<br />
"Safety First" by Indian Railways<br />
"I, Proud To Be An Indian" by Sonia Gandhi<br />
"Satyameva Jayate" by Ram Jethmalani<br />
"Loyalty Is A Virtue" by Narayan Rane<br />
"How To Handle Fame And Stardom" by Mimoh<br />
"Commie-raderie" by V.S. Achuthanandan <br />
"Country Before Money" by Parliamentarians<br />
"Hum Saath Saath Hain" by BJP<br />
"Silence Is Golden" by Mamata Banerjee<br />
"Merit, The Only Criteria" by Arjun Singh<br />
"Great Expectations" by Mayawati<br />
"Role Of Entertainment In Birth Control" by Ghulam Nabi Azad <br />
"Wardrobe Malfunction" by Shivraj Patil<br />
"Dogs Are Man's Best Friend" by V.S. Achuthanandan<br />
"Recession & Bankruptcy" by BCCI <br />
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Other funny suggestions were-<br />
"Sex,Drugs and Rock'n Roll" by Pramod Muthalik<br />
"Duck Tales" by Ajit Agarkar -@shenyvarun86<br />
"I, Insomniac" by H.D. Deve Gowda -@iyermatter<br />
"Jailhouse Rock" by Ajmal Kasab -@kedars<br />
"Desi Baba" by Ramdev -@sa_lil<br />
"Philately- My Stamp Collection" by Abdul Karim Telgi -@zenrainman<br />
"Adventures With Apertures During Overtures" by The Sting Journalists Assoc -@creatitwitty<br />
"Meri Ma" by Raosaheb Shekhawat<br />
"101 Ways To Use A Remote Control" by Sonia Gandhi<br />
"1001 Expressions" by Arjun Rampal -@over_rated<br />
"Conversation With God" by Pratibha Patil -@over_rated<br />
"How To Win Friend And Influence People" by Vivek Oberoi -@over_rated<br />
The "G" Spot of Indian Politics - The ruling family of India -@guduuu<br />
"Catch Me If You Can" by Ottavio Quattrochi<br />
"I Will Still Call It Bombay" by Karan Johar -@phamitus<br />
"Yeh Hai Bombay Meri Jaan" by Raj Thackeray<br />
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For more "celebrity' tweets visit -<a href="http://whatnonsanz.blogspot.com/2009/10/jab-tweeple-twoot-pade.html">Gopinath's "Artickles"</a><br />
If you still can't get enought you can search tweettabs.com or tweetzi.com or tweetmeme.com for the hashtag #unlikelyindianbooks.<br />
Update- Found another blog post on <a href="http://ow.ly/w6Bm">Daniel's Blog</a>.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-21901024916798880622009-10-21T19:52:00.000+05:302009-10-21T19:52:54.382+05:30It's Raining Clowns!I was browsing the net, when this <a href="http://chronicle.com/blogPost/Cellphone-Users-Pose-Risk-to/8534/?sid=at">survey</a> caught my eye. Unlike those test subjects, I was not yakking into a cellphone, so I noticed the clown on the unicycle. What is surprising though, is the ingenuity of those psychologists in using an "out of the box" approach. They chucked out the traditional, boring and so 90's idea of using statistics. Clowns on unicycles is the new in-thing baby!<br />
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Maybe next, those people will conduct surveys to measure the hotness of a model by measuring the modulus of elasticity of a man's penis. Or gauge the "surprise" quotient of a statement by measuring Atal Bihari Vajpayee's reaction time. Or estimating the age of an object by asking Advani to recall it. Who knows, these people might check alertness of clowns on unicycles by asking them to report pedestrians talking on cellphones.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-53705370879061894172009-10-20T22:15:00.002+05:302009-10-20T22:49:07.956+05:30Gandhi's RevengeEarthlings just don't learn. Politicians like Obama, Matt Damon and the Scottish PM have formed a habit of invoking Gandhi's name for some trivial reasons like humanitarian work, Megrahi's release, and some other shit like that. So Gandhi has finally revealed his superpower to us. He's making people who tell lies retract their statement, like the <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSTRE59E5H720091019">ballon boy</a>. Also, he makes people straying from the righteous path return, like <a href="http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Students-dont-need-80-for-taking-IIT-exam-Sibal/articleshow/5142176.cms">Kapil Sibbal</a> and <a href="http://www.indianexpress.com/news/india-saarc-not-to-move-away-from-kyoto-protocol-ramesh/530962/">Jairam Ramesh</a>.<br />
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Apparently Jairam Ramesh had a short-term memory loss a-la Ghajini. He had forgotten that he was the Environment Minister <i>of India</i>. Keeping this in mind, his thoughts about agreeing to having legally binding cutbacks on emissions would seem perfectly logical. But, the Mahatma, this time through the other Gandhi (Sonia), managed to bring him back to the path of righteousness.<br />
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Another person who seems to have forgotten that he is in responsible to Tamilians <i>residing in India</i>, is M.Karunanidhi. He is next on the Mahatma's hit list for announcing another <a href="http://www.tribuneindia.com/2009/20091019/main5.htm">500 crore</a> aid package to Sri Lanka for rehabilitation of Tamils. The Mahatma will surely kick his sorry ass.<br />
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And a very,very baad PJ after a long time <br />
Q : Why is the BJP hated in Orissa?<br />
A : Because they always go on Rath yatras.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-91380377348270203762009-10-15T00:59:00.002+05:302009-10-15T01:00:47.764+05:30CenturyA 100 visitors to my blog! Reason enough to celebrate, and write a new post. Barack Obama congratulated me and said he knew how I feel, what with him winning some dumb medal for doing nothing. So he said he would open a branch of Guantanamo Bay in India, right here in NIT Rourkela to commemorate our achievement. Its going to be innagurated by the honourable ex-President, Mr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam. The most brutal form of torture shall include attending GSR's lectures till the person breaks down or getting girls of our Insti to strip before them.<br />
Also, you can laugh your heart out at my pathetically modifiied photo or at my system which is antideluvian and won't support photoshop.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/StYmH_cubmI/AAAAAAAAAH8/VHfK8jrEJz0/s1600-h/century.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_bcDFI1ih_48/StYmH_cubmI/AAAAAAAAAH8/VHfK8jrEJz0/s320/century.JPG" /></a><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2534617855837231026.post-20216934433006635302009-10-11T14:37:00.000+05:302009-10-11T14:37:36.794+05:30The "D'oh!" ConspiracyReuters reports that the model for Playboy's November edition is- <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/entertainmentNews/idUSTRE5984FN20091009">Marge Simpson</a>. That's not all, there's also going to be a three page picture spread. Of all the HUMAN models available, those morons chose an animated one. And one that is not even remotely attractive. There are scores of attractive cartoon characters like Jessica Rabbit, Catwoman, Batgirl, but those guys at Playboy chose the most unattractive of them all. They think that people will actually spend money on the magazine, when it is available for free on the internet, that too to fantasize about some ugly looking cartoon character who is a mother of three. And, the third kid is actually <a href="http://simpsons.wikicomplete.info/maggie-simpson">fathered by an alien</a>.They say it is because they wan't to increase the readership among the 20 something customers.<br />
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I think it's all a big conspiracy. Extremely tall, curvaceous, gorgeous, sexy, gifted in the right places, and feminist women from <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amazons">Amazon</a> led by <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wonder_Woman">Wonder Woman</a> have taken over Playboy. They intend to humiliate men at the World Championship of Arm Wrestling and assert their dominance over the world. This, they intend to accomplish by publishing un-sexy, disgusting photos of everyday women in Playboy. And then follow it up by publishing un-sexy, disgusting photos of cartoon characters. This will completely weaken the muscles in men's arms the world over, if you understand what I mean. Cranky from not being able to satisfy themselves, and weak because of the same reasons, the men will lose their concentrations and hope and fail miserably, and the Amazons will take over the world. Having accomplished their dastardly plan, and turning hormonal, they will finally seek out what they had come here for in the first place- chocolate ice-cream. Then, don't say nobody warned you!<br />
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