What Is Really Happening At Copenhagen

Climate Change is on everone's mind these days, because of the much publicised Climate Conference at Copenhagen, Denmark. Emission caps, Bali Action Plan and the Kyoto Protocol are the most talked in this conference. People, do not be fooled, for appearances can be deceptive. My ultra-secret sources at Copenhagen confirmed what I had suspected all along. The conference is a sham!

What we know is far from the truth. The conference has nothing to do with climate change. It is a fierce strategic battle. A battle for caps, quite literally. Leaders of the various nations of the world are trying to divert a catastrophe more devastating than the climate change.

Each leader is trying to attract celebs to their country, so that their country has a national hobby. And also because the people will pay less attention to the real issues and spend their time following those lame celebs. It is common knowledge that currently, the US is the country that obsesses about celebs. And celebs flock to US because all the pioneering fashion designers are based there. So, the aim of each head of state, is to attract all the celebs to their country, led like rats by their designers.

They will do this using a very strategic piece of clothing. It is a well known fact that fashion creates a lot of buzz about a piece of clothing that is least useful for regular people. So, what better way to attract fashion designers than by claiming there is a dearth of caps in one's country? It is but obvious that faced with such a business prospect and the opportunity of increasing one's brand value, the designers will flock to such a country.

That's why all the people at Copenhagen are talking about 'caps'. Everyone is concerned about their 'caps'. Developed countries say, that developing countries should act responsibly, and help reduce the effect of recession by allowing the designer to stay on in the developed world. Hence India and China should have more caps! But developing countries say, all this dearth of celebs is due to the media (paparazi) of the developed world, which reduces them to a trainwreck. Hence, now it is the developing countries's time, and there should more caps in developed countries.Thus, all countries have thrown their hats into the ring (such puns are irresistable). Such type of childish quarelling resulted in a deadlock at Copenhagen.

This has resulted in the think-tanks of the various countries putting on their thinking caps and analysing the story about the hat seller who made the monkeys throw their hats on the ground. After all, mankind has evolved from monkeys! These intellectuals have found innovative ways to out-think their competition. They are now claiming that thinking caps are also a variation of the cap, and hence the other countries are not in as much distress as they are!

All said and done, the conference is boiling down to its final stages. I personally feel that India is brutally handicapped considering that Mr. Manmohan Singh, India's Prime Minister, is a Sardarji. And India also has a long standing tradition where people wear caps and turbans af various colours and hues. Pakistan meanwhile, being a Muslim nation, have either hidden or destroyed all their skull caps. The Interior Minister of Pakistan, Rehman Malik is now claiming that the skull caps do not belong to Pakistan and are demanding proof of the fact that such caps ever existed in Pakistan. To top that, they are demanding financial aid from the USA, claiming that they need it to fight the outflux of caps to Afghanistan!

Thus, I have succesfully demonstrated that the Copenhagen conference is nothing but a mad-hatters' ball!