Resume Of A To-Be CM

 Here is the profile of a CM in waiting :-

Educational Qualifications-
  • Class 3 dropout.
  • Awarded honourary doctrate by MIT (Mumbai Institute of Tiffinwalas), estb. 2009, courtesy yours' truly. 

Work Experience-
  • Part of the team that rigged election booths in Bihar.
  • One of the 'goondas' who regularly beat up journalists for making statements that were against Indian Culture.
  • Regularly beat up couples on Valentines Day and threatened to get them married off.
  • Was Team Leader of Supplies Team for the mob that burnt the opposition leader's house
  • Regularly clashed with opposition workers over trivial matters, torching buses and cars in the process.
Projects-
  • 'Convinced' scientists to conduct a study showing that deforestation was not linked to global warming, hence the act of selling land occupied by forest to builders has zero carbon footprint. 
  • Built a 50 foot statue of the party chief, which was installed in a park.
  • Organised a first of its kind state wide bandh, where there was a bandh only in the constituencies where the opposition won.
  • 'Collected' funds from civilians and shopkeepers for the golden jubilee celebration of the party.

Achievements-
  • Single-handedly sparked the protests for demand of a new state.
  • Was acquitted in both of the murder trials, including the appeal of the first one.
  •  Was successful in stopping the 'forceful' conversion of Dalits. Even managed to 'reason' with the nuns operating the missionaries to relocate.
  •  Helped in 'redevelopment' slum areas amounting to 500 acres. Similarly, helped in 'development' of 300 acres of land previously occupied by forests.
  • Revenue of the Department during my charge as a Minister showed 'marked increase' as compared to previous year's revenue.

Hobbies-
  • Collecting cars of the Porsche brand.
  • Hawala
  • Architecture, especially admiring those in foreign countries.
  • Socialising with cricketers and Bollywood actors.
Sad part is that even though this is a piece of satire, it is still true.

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