Invasion Of The Body Snatchers

Have you seen, or even heard about the flick, Invasion Of The Body Snatchers? Better watch it, because they are here for real, and they are very swiftly going about their work (body snatching). They have taken the richest and the most powerful men, and they are out to get you. Be alert, be cautious, for when things go bump(or even 'buuurrp") in the night, you may be next. But don't worry if you hear repeated bumps, that's just your neighbour making love. One repeated pattern is victims hearing cries of "WTF!" before being assaulted by the aliens.

The first sighting was in Indonesia, a country that is ultra-conservative, so much so that no one questions religious leaders. Perfect. Just recently, they took control of the body of one Ramli Mansyur, regent of Aceh province.Then, they unleashed their diabolical plan. Ramli Mansyur(or so they think) declared recently that under Sharia Law, women shall be banned from wearing tight trousers and shall have to wear ankle length skirts over trousers(so much for the trousers). This is because "If a woman wears pants and tucks her top in, that's wrong. Even if she is wearing a headscarf, her dress can still show her body shape, and that is not perfect Muslim dress". This may seem rational (??) to some of you, but do not be mislead! They will fool all you mortals into believing that showing your figure...errrr, "form" is against Islam. Then they will slowly populate the Earth by taking over these very believers and hiding themselves inside ghastly burkhas and ankle-length skirts. And things have started happening as I write this very article.

These aliens have already laid siege on some countries and succeeded. Most notably in Pakistan. The alien commander has entered the body of one Rehman Malik (Pakistan's Interior Minister). This was evident in the noticeable difference in Rehman's behaviour. Earlier, he always used to defend Pakistan against allegations of terrorism against India ("Give more evidence!",he said). But now, he is trying to wreak havoc. He has gone on the offensive and is confusing people by claiming that India are funding the Taliban.

It seems even India is not safe, as these aliens have also taken over some of India's powerful men. They are trying to weaken India's defenses by withdrawing 15,000 troops from Kashmir. But no need to worry. India was born ready for such challenges. It seems Sardarjis are immune against these aliens's attack. In fact, the aliens tried to attack our P.M.-Manmohan Singh. But the bad ass he is, MMS survived, and later even retaliated. Just recently he refuted Pakistan's allegations about India funding the Taliban as "far-fetched", and even slammed the OIC (Organisation of Islamic Conference) for appointing an envoy for Kashmir, which is a part of secular India.  His trusty sidekick, Montek Singh Ahluwalia even gave a stern warning to these aliens that since India is virtually run by Sardarjis, these aliens should retreat back to their own galaxy. He also added that we have a secret weapon (Harbhajan Singh is my guess), which all Sardarjis will reveal at the stroke of midnight. He even threatened to call for reinforcements (emigrated Sardarjis) from Canada. There is no chance that the aliens can colonize us now. And so, the Earth was saved from the aliens that went "WTF!" by a chance hero- the Sardarjis

The aliens also attacked Manmohan Singh, but he beat up their ass by spinning on a rod and thrashing them all, like Neo 

PS - A certain Mr. S.K. Sarangi is sure to have replied to Malik saying,"You send us dossiers and dossiers of conclusive evidence, then we will fake the house arrest of the main accused. Till then, my hands are tied."

Twittermania

The tweeple of India tweeted their hearts out yesterday. The hot topic of the day was "unlikely Indian books". The tweeple of India were tweeting about fabricated books that had the least probability of being written. The topic was started by @jhunjhunwala, and credit to him for that. Once the floodgates were released, the tweeple tweeted their hearts out. Pretty soon, the Twitter server was overloaded. There were some very innovative, original, and downright funny books and authors. But like most things that are unregulated or unmoderated, a deluge of half-funny and half-disgusting tweets by "pretenders" starting flooding my screen. That was probably the only downside. But then, Indians witness a periodic spectacle of the same nature, called elections, so they are used to it.

Some of the most funny(read mine-@shishir127) tweets were :
"Sati Savitri" by Sherlyn Chopra
"A Streetcar Named Nano" by Buddhadeb Bhattacharjee
"How To Smile" by S.Mohanty  
"How To Remain Incumbent" by Vilasrao Deshmukh
"How To Be Punctual & Obey Deadlines" by Suresh Kalmadi 
"Power Dressing" by Shivraj Patil
"Untold Conspiracies" by A.R. Antulay
"How To Attract Foreign Investment" by Buddhadeb Bhattacharjee
"Consistency" by India's past Olympic winners
"Everybody Loves Raymond" by Bombay Dyeing
"Responsible Journalism" by India TV
"It Was All A Hoax, Folks!" by India TV    
"My Social Life" by IT Professionals
"I'm Too Old" by Advani
"Customer Satisfaction" by Indian Bureaucracy
"Safety First" by Indian Railways
"I, Proud To Be An Indian" by Sonia Gandhi
"Satyameva Jayate" by Ram Jethmalani
"Loyalty Is A Virtue" by Narayan Rane
"How To Handle Fame And Stardom" by Mimoh
"Commie-raderie" by V.S. Achuthanandan        
"Country Before Money" by Parliamentarians
"Hum Saath Saath Hain" by BJP
"Silence Is Golden" by Mamata Banerjee
"Merit, The Only Criteria" by Arjun Singh
"Great Expectations" by Mayawati
"Role Of Entertainment In Birth Control" by Ghulam Nabi Azad    
"Wardrobe Malfunction" by Shivraj Patil
"Dogs Are Man's Best Friend" by V.S. Achuthanandan
"Recession & Bankruptcy" by BCCI  

Other funny suggestions were-
"Sex,Drugs and Rock'n Roll" by Pramod Muthalik
"Duck Tales" by Ajit Agarkar -@shenyvarun86
"I, Insomniac" by H.D. Deve Gowda -@iyermatter
"Jailhouse Rock" by Ajmal Kasab -@kedars
"Desi Baba" by Ramdev -@sa_lil
"Philately- My Stamp Collection" by Abdul Karim Telgi -@zenrainman
"Adventures With Apertures During Overtures" by The Sting Journalists Assoc -@creatitwitty
"Meri Ma" by Raosaheb Shekhawat
"101 Ways To Use A Remote Control" by Sonia Gandhi
"1001 Expressions" by Arjun Rampal -@over_rated
"Conversation With God" by Pratibha Patil -@over_rated
"How To Win Friend And Influence People" by Vivek Oberoi -@over_rated
The "G" Spot of Indian Politics - The ruling family of India -@guduuu
"Catch Me If You Can" by Ottavio Quattrochi
"I Will Still Call It Bombay" by Karan Johar -@phamitus
"Yeh Hai Bombay Meri Jaan" by Raj Thackeray

For more "celebrity' tweets visit -Gopinath's "Artickles"
If you still can't get enought you can search tweettabs.com or tweetzi.com or tweetmeme.com for the hashtag #unlikelyindianbooks.
Update- Found another blog post on Daniel's Blog.

It's Raining Clowns!

I was browsing the net, when this survey caught my eye. Unlike those test subjects, I was not yakking into a cellphone, so I noticed the clown on the unicycle. What is surprising though, is the ingenuity of those psychologists in using an "out of the box" approach. They chucked out the traditional, boring and so 90's idea of using statistics. Clowns on unicycles is the new in-thing baby!

Maybe next, those people will conduct surveys to measure the hotness of a model by measuring the modulus of elasticity of a man's penis. Or gauge the "surprise" quotient of a statement by measuring Atal Bihari Vajpayee's reaction time. Or estimating the age of an object by asking Advani to recall it. Who knows, these people might check alertness of clowns on unicycles by asking them to report pedestrians talking on cellphones.

Gandhi's Revenge

Earthlings just don't learn. Politicians like Obama, Matt Damon and the Scottish PM have formed a habit of invoking Gandhi's name for some trivial reasons like humanitarian work, Megrahi's release, and some other shit like that. So Gandhi has finally revealed his superpower to us. He's making people who tell lies retract their statement, like the ballon boy. Also, he makes people straying from the righteous path return, like Kapil Sibbal and Jairam Ramesh.

Apparently Jairam Ramesh had a short-term memory loss a-la Ghajini. He had forgotten that he was the Environment Minister of India. Keeping this in mind, his thoughts about agreeing to having legally binding cutbacks on emissions would seem perfectly logical. But, the Mahatma, this time through the other Gandhi (Sonia), managed to bring him back to the path of righteousness.

Another person who seems to have forgotten that he is in responsible to Tamilians residing in India, is M.Karunanidhi. He is next on the Mahatma's hit list for announcing another 500 crore aid package to Sri Lanka for rehabilitation of Tamils. The Mahatma will surely kick his sorry ass.

And a very,very baad PJ after a long time
Q : Why is the BJP hated in Orissa?
A : Because they always go on Rath yatras.

Century

A 100 visitors to my blog! Reason enough to celebrate, and write a new post. Barack Obama congratulated me and said he knew how I feel, what with him winning some dumb medal for doing nothing. So he said he would open a branch of Guantanamo Bay in India, right here in NIT Rourkela to commemorate our achievement. Its going to be innagurated by the honourable ex-President, Mr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam. The most brutal form of torture shall include attending GSR's lectures till the person breaks down or getting girls of our Insti to strip before them.
Also, you can laugh your heart out at my pathetically modifiied photo or at my system which is antideluvian and won't support photoshop.

The "D'oh!" Conspiracy

Reuters reports that the model for Playboy's November edition is- Marge Simpson. That's not all, there's also going to be a three page picture spread. Of all the HUMAN models available, those morons chose an animated one. And one that is not even remotely attractive. There are scores of attractive cartoon characters like Jessica Rabbit, Catwoman, Batgirl, but those guys at Playboy chose the most unattractive of them all. They think that people will actually spend money on the magazine, when it is available for free on the internet, that too to fantasize about some ugly looking cartoon character who is a mother of three. And, the third kid is actually fathered by an alien.They say it is because they wan't to increase the readership among the 20 something customers.

I think it's all a big conspiracy. Extremely tall, curvaceous, gorgeous, sexy, gifted in the right places, and feminist women from Amazon led by Wonder Woman have taken over Playboy. They intend to humiliate men at the World Championship of Arm Wrestling and assert their dominance over the world. This, they intend to accomplish by publishing un-sexy, disgusting photos of everyday women in Playboy. And then follow it up by publishing un-sexy, disgusting photos of cartoon characters. This will completely weaken the muscles in men's arms the world over, if you understand what I mean. Cranky from not being able to satisfy themselves, and weak because of the same reasons, the men will lose their concentrations and hope and fail miserably, and the Amazons will take over the world. Having accomplished their dastardly plan, and turning hormonal, they will finally seek out what they had come here for in the first place- chocolate ice-cream. Then, don't say nobody warned you!
 

 

Oh-Bummer

WTF news of the millenium-Obama wins Nobel peace prize, for his extraordinary effort to strengthen international diplomacy and co-operation between peoples.Now that they're handing them out to anybody, I propose the prizes should be re-allotted to other people who are more deserving to win the other Nobels. Except the Nobel for Chemistry, as that brown American citizen with Indian roots won it, and Indians are already deprived of role models.

The Nobel prize for Economics (if there is one) should go to Raj Thackerey. That genius of a man has demonstrated how it is possible to prevent the immigration of people to prosperous places, and in fact, reverse the trend by causing emigration of people.

The Nobel prize for Medicine should go undoubtedly to the Australian hooligans who keep attacking Indians in Australia who are going to usurp their jobs, homes and country. If it was not for them, the to-be Non-Resident Indians would never have got hurt and cut themselves in ways till now unimaginable. So many emergency procedures would have been undiscovered if it wasn't for those hooligans.

The Nobel prize for Physics should go to ISRO for Chandrayaan.

And, Finally the Nobel peace prize should go to - SHAHRUKH & SALMAN !!

Met Dept - Fail!!

It is an accepted fact that the Indian Met Department sucks, big time. When they predict droughts, people carry spare boats in their cars. When they predict normal rains, majority of India is hit by a drought. But now these guys have broken the cardinal rule.

It is a well known protocol amongst weathermen that freakish weather can be predicted on anything but Global Warming. Scientists have been doing it for decades. The world is not getting hotter due to Global Warming, it is attributed to a large stove placed beneath the earth. But obscure things-like this, are blamed on it.But, the Indian Met Department has done the exact opposite and blamed the deviation in Mumbai's climate on - Global Warming.

Do we have the most lame ass, worthless Met Dept? Yes we do. At least we beat China at something other than corruption.