India Shining?

The Uttar Pradesh State Government is taking up education seriously. The State's Education Board has announced that a new NIT will be set up, obviously named Mayawati NIT(henceforth referred to as MNIT) in honour of the Cheif Minister of UP. The MNIT will include new courses like B.Tech in EVM Rigging, MSc. in Statistics of Vote-Bank Politics, and the ultra-modern, MBA in Goon Management. The campus shall be built on a site where a Government funded shelter for the homeless is located, but only after it has been bulldozed to the ground. Admission to MNIT shall be based strictly on merit, altough some concessions have been made for non-Dalit students who are also good at studies by reserving 10% of the total seats for them.

The campus will boast of modern facilities. There shall be daily practise sessions for rioting and lathi-charging for future politicians on the 2 acres of land stolen from the Railway Board. There shall be various clubs in the college that shall be sponsored by the BSP. These shall primarily deal with recent trends like how to misuse the NSA,Dalit Act(check out link#1 & link#2),etc, embezzlement of state funds, how to use national monuments to start scams,etc.

Students practising rioting in their spare time

The campus life and culture in MNIT will be markedly different than those in other Institutes. The freshers' ragging will include them having to utter slang words like BC, at which the freshers' response is expected to be,"Hum Behenji ke baare me aisi baat kaise kar sakte hain?". The seniors' reply to this is expected to be,"Karega toh Behenji tera ghar jala degi!!". Another different facet of the campus culture is the way birthdays are celebrated here. Normally, people get beaten up like donkeys on their birthdays and are looted of all their cash in the name of birthday treats. But, MNIT is going to set a new trend. The person whose birthday it is will go about searching for his friends, dragging them out of thier rooms and beating them and extorting money from them for celebrating his birthday.(check out link)

Of course, no educational institute is complete without teaching as well as non-teaching faculty. The faculty shall be transfered every 2-3 months for "transparency" and "smooth functioning" of the Institute. In fact, even the Director of the Insitute shall also be changed every 4 months depending on whether the person in question has commited the least number of murders/has the least number of cases pending against him.

Shahabuddin, the next Director? Ex-MP, currently serving a life sentence for kidnapping with intent to murder.

Last, but most importantly, there will be 100% placement at MNIT. Those who could not crack the selection "process" for the BSP will be magically placed in various other Government jobs with either the Police, IAS, HC or the IT Department.

The MNIT is expected to be set up very quickly, with reports indicating that permit has been granted after Mayawati bribed Sonia with the offer of erecting one statue of Rajiv Gandhi for every three statues erected of herself.

Hamaara haath, Mayawati ke saath?

Austerity

With all this racket about austerity nowadays, politicians must be considering a change in career. People become politicians in the hope that someday, they too will swim about in a swimming pool filled with public money, or even have a scores of black-cat commandoes guarding them. They go through so much trouble just for that. Begging for votes from every Tom, Dick and Harry, beating the shit out of all your opponents, rigging polling booths,manipulating votes, spending large amounts of money on your campaign, and even larger on the police and EC officials for keeping their mouth shut. All that is hard work. And they can't even indulge themselves with public money after that? Austerity is a bitch!!

My absolute lack of knowledge of government policies and economics means I can't comment on any of this, but looking at the inflation, unemployment, growth rates, etc, I can say all this is a sham. If the Congress wants to associate itself with the common man, then they should improve their condition, not push more people into the "common" category. At least Mayawati is upfront about what she thinks by building statues of herself, extorting money for her birthday and the works.


Looking at the image, I have a suspicion that very soon, Behenji will replace the lions on the Asoka Pillar with statues of herself!

Another thing that the Congress screwed up, is the interpretation of Shashi Tharoor's "cattle class" tweet. I think I am the only sane person who interpreted his tweet properly. What he meant to say is that the airlines have been successful in competing with the railways. In order to make the people accustomed to travelling by train feel at home, the airlines have started adopting certain strategies.That's exactly what he meant by the "holy cows!!" remark. He was surprised how closely the aircraft interiors resembled the interiors of a train. In fact, due to Twitter's character limit, he couldn't tweet suggestions to make such travelers more comfortable. I'm sure some of those would have included releasing toilet sewage directly onto whatever is below it like trains do, or having the cabin crew selling tea while shouting"Chaaaiyaaa Chaaaaiyaaa" in that particular irritating tone. They already have the delays and technical breakdowns, and you will also feel cheated like you do on the trains because of the overpriced eatables.

Update- Shashi Tharoor tweeted @ 23:56-"i now realize i shldnt assume people will appreciate humour. &u shouldn't give those who wld wilfully distort yr words an opportnty to do so"
That's stating the obvious!

A 'Lite' One

One to commemorate the lite edition of Facebook.

Q: Which social networking site would you use in a horror movie?
A: Faceless Book. (evil laughter....me laughing at your reaction ;) )

Exam Fever

Well, after ecstasy comes agony. So the exams begin. It seems a bit cruel, and extremely ironic that our brains work at their peak only after the exams. Also, did you notice that topics that are taught in 5 mins inevitably cover about 20 pages in the book, and require an hour to study? Murphy's Law triumphs again!

So, I have to study the 8086 microprocessor. While reading the book i spied on a label that said "reprinted with permission from Intel (c)1979". Cutting edge, eh?

Force India managed the front row with 2nd spot on the grid at Italian GP. And Luizzi(not the Mario one) managed a decent 7th. Whereas fizzled-out Fisichella managed only a 14th. Before the switch, that wouldn't be too bad. I think he should be optimistic, becuase 7th row, with Ferrari, after being on the podium in the previous race, I don't think its possible to go lower. Things can only improve from here. In your face Fisichella!! In retrospect, he must be thinking, "Buying stocks of Lehmann Brothers would have been a safer bet...".

In other news, I didn't get to watch football yesterday coz some high-on-patriotism chauvinists yesterday were watching India getting mauled by Sri Lanka. Some right-wing, ulti-relegious people were muttering, "Lanka jeet gayi, ghor kalyug. Chalo Lanka me aag lagaao!". Seriously?? I don't think there's much left there to set on fire. But, the above exchange of words was of course, in jest, and we don't intend on rioting in Lanka.

But the match I wanted to see, Man City vs Arsenal, turned out to be a dud. Nowadays, one can almost bet one's money on Arsenal producing the least favoured result. On this occasion, too, the least favoured result it was. We have a good team with Diaby,Eduardo,Gallas,Vermaelen,Rosicky,RvP, star players(AA,Fab). Our squad is more accustomed to playing together than City's 100-million-instant squad. I guess the only reason we're losing out is because of tactics and formation.

So noting that the particular alignment of Saturn, Jupiter and my ass favours Murphy's Law, it would be safe to bet that both of Force India's cars will be crashing out. It would be an absolute pleasure, though, to watch Raikkonen crash into Fisichella now! That would easily redeem this wretched weekend.

Lame

These ones are related to Wannabe

Q: Wannabe kya favourite tourist destination kaunsa hai?
A: Egypt (pyramids=>triangle!!)

Q: Wannabe ko Dil To Pagal Hai itna pasand kyon aaya?
A: Coz it featureda a love triangle!

Q: Wannabe kin-kin bhagwaan ka bhakt hai?
A: Brahma, Vishnu, Siva. (trimurti!)

Mashup

Disney is going to buy Marvel Comics for 4 billion US Dollars.(Click here for more)

Ever since that deal was announced, the web was flooded with 'mashups' of Disney and Marvel Characters. Here are my favourite of the mashups till now.

Mickey vs. The Marvel Universe

Spider-Girl/Little Mermaid by Jeremy Bernstein

Huey,Duey & Luey bye Desty

The Invincible Iron Mouse by Tim Wollweber

Invincible Iron Mouse Again

Donald/Wolverine by SaiyaGina

Venom/Mickey by Serge Kliavaing

Professor Xkeeter by Ralph White

Punisher/Mickey by Aracnos

I found the Donald/Wolverine one by far the most hilarious one. If you can't beat em, then jump around shouting gibberish with no pants on. That'll teach them.

Closer home, I think a Manmohan Singh/Mickey, or Chidambaram/Elmer Fudd mashup would be interesting. Any suggestions??

For more mashups try the Super Punch blog(click here) or the Damn Cool Pics blog(click here).

Bhed Ki Khaal Mein Bhediya...

This touching photo is doing the rounds of newspapers and websites ever since YSR was declared dead. But what I found disturbing was, is Rahul Gandhi looking at YSR's wife's cleavage?

More importantly, is Manmohan Singh looking at Sonia Gandhi's cleavage?


I guess men will be men(read perverts) whatever be the situation...

Insomnia

Every bloody night, when I go to sleep, they come to haunt me. However, like a pervert spying on a hot, 20-something nymph through a telescope wishes, I just wish that they turn out to be ghosts. But the ever-mocking, power-crazy, eternally-scheming God never let me have it so easy.This mob I am talking about, like a swarm of locusts, consumes every last bit of sanity within me. I like to call them the 'Maghiya Mob'.

Every night, after having devoured a packet of Hide & Seek biscuits, when I proceed to sleep, they begin their quest. Just when you think, not today, I can sleep in comfort, and you have reached that vulnerable point, where you are at the crossroads of deep sleep and an hour of insomnia, they strike.

It starts with very low murmurs. You feel, its only two people passing by, I'm almost there, almost asleep. And then it starts. You feel overpowered and defenceless as they begin. They may seem like a normal bunch of boisterous college folk, but appearances can be misleading. Once they start, there's no hiding.... it hits you squarely in the face.

"Maghiya blah blah blah maghiya blah blah blah maghiya maghiya MAGHIYA MAGHIYA MAGHIYA..."

You can feel the sleep being drained out of you. You think,"No!, I can block this". And then, they stop.... Aaahhhhhhh....peace at last. Then, immediately, as if to mock you, they burst out laughing in a manner so vile, you lose all hope. It intensifies, they get serious, and you hear more maghiyas than blahs. Its at that point, that you are reduced to a mere zombie, waiting, and praying for benevolence. "Make them go" you say. And then, after reaching a crescendo, it stops.

But thats not the end of it. For, they work in shifts....