Invasion Of The Body Snatchers 2- Kept In The Dark

Continuing from my previous post, I am (not) a little sad to announce that aliens have succeded in taking over BJP's President, Rajnath Singh. The media caught wind of the abduction, and was successful in reporting it. But, if they had probed further, they would have come across that which lay just under the surface of things. The entire event was a well planned abduction by aliens. Under the cover of darkness, and at about 3,000 metres above sea level, they swiftly occupied Rajnath Singh's body.

The aliens finished him before he could say,"Jai Shri Ram!"

After capturing Rajnath Singh, the aliens started plotting to plunge the people of India into doom. They hatched an evil plan to ruin India forever. Rajnath Singh came out with his latest statement to the media- that there should be laws against mass religious conversions. Those aliens always knew religion controls a barrage of emotions. So what better thing to incite the people with? An approximate translation of his (we now know who it actually was...) statement is as follows-
The BJP has lost elections again. There need to be more Hindus in this country. Mass conversions should be banned and people should be forced to convert to Hinduism. Alleging that Pakistan is supporting conversion should garner enough attention. Thus we shall allow people to "choose their own religion". It is only then that our ideology of Hindutva can be saved from being rendered redundant. Certain states like Arunachal Pradesh, Madhya Pradesh and Jharkand have low Hindu population. We shall to do these states what we did to Gujarat and recently Orissa. Call Togadia!

Because of this statement, the people of India will completely loose confidence in the BJP and ruin themselves by voting the Congress into power, again and again, and again. Aliens-1,Sardarjis-0.

But this isn't our only concern. My highly effective intelligence sources tell me that this isn't the first instance. The aliens had already taken over Advani and Jaitley, who kept the other BJP leaders in the dark about ground realities. And they plan to keep this up via Rajnath Singh's statement.

They are already long gone

Invasion Of The Body Snatchers

Have you seen, or even heard about the flick, Invasion Of The Body Snatchers? Better watch it, because they are here for real, and they are very swiftly going about their work (body snatching). They have taken the richest and the most powerful men, and they are out to get you. Be alert, be cautious, for when things go bump(or even 'buuurrp") in the night, you may be next. But don't worry if you hear repeated bumps, that's just your neighbour making love. One repeated pattern is victims hearing cries of "WTF!" before being assaulted by the aliens.

The first sighting was in Indonesia, a country that is ultra-conservative, so much so that no one questions religious leaders. Perfect. Just recently, they took control of the body of one Ramli Mansyur, regent of Aceh province.Then, they unleashed their diabolical plan. Ramli Mansyur(or so they think) declared recently that under Sharia Law, women shall be banned from wearing tight trousers and shall have to wear ankle length skirts over trousers(so much for the trousers). This is because "If a woman wears pants and tucks her top in, that's wrong. Even if she is wearing a headscarf, her dress can still show her body shape, and that is not perfect Muslim dress". This may seem rational (??) to some of you, but do not be mislead! They will fool all you mortals into believing that showing your figure...errrr, "form" is against Islam. Then they will slowly populate the Earth by taking over these very believers and hiding themselves inside ghastly burkhas and ankle-length skirts. And things have started happening as I write this very article.

These aliens have already laid siege on some countries and succeeded. Most notably in Pakistan. The alien commander has entered the body of one Rehman Malik (Pakistan's Interior Minister). This was evident in the noticeable difference in Rehman's behaviour. Earlier, he always used to defend Pakistan against allegations of terrorism against India ("Give more evidence!",he said). But now, he is trying to wreak havoc. He has gone on the offensive and is confusing people by claiming that India are funding the Taliban.

It seems even India is not safe, as these aliens have also taken over some of India's powerful men. They are trying to weaken India's defenses by withdrawing 15,000 troops from Kashmir. But no need to worry. India was born ready for such challenges. It seems Sardarjis are immune against these aliens's attack. In fact, the aliens tried to attack our P.M.-Manmohan Singh. But the bad ass he is, MMS survived, and later even retaliated. Just recently he refuted Pakistan's allegations about India funding the Taliban as "far-fetched", and even slammed the OIC (Organisation of Islamic Conference) for appointing an envoy for Kashmir, which is a part of secular India.  His trusty sidekick, Montek Singh Ahluwalia even gave a stern warning to these aliens that since India is virtually run by Sardarjis, these aliens should retreat back to their own galaxy. He also added that we have a secret weapon (Harbhajan Singh is my guess), which all Sardarjis will reveal at the stroke of midnight. He even threatened to call for reinforcements (emigrated Sardarjis) from Canada. There is no chance that the aliens can colonize us now. And so, the Earth was saved from the aliens that went "WTF!" by a chance hero- the Sardarjis

The aliens also attacked Manmohan Singh, but he beat up their ass by spinning on a rod and thrashing them all, like Neo 

PS - A certain Mr. S.K. Sarangi is sure to have replied to Malik saying,"You send us dossiers and dossiers of conclusive evidence, then we will fake the house arrest of the main accused. Till then, my hands are tied."

It's Raining Clowns!

I was browsing the net, when this survey caught my eye. Unlike those test subjects, I was not yakking into a cellphone, so I noticed the clown on the unicycle. What is surprising though, is the ingenuity of those psychologists in using an "out of the box" approach. They chucked out the traditional, boring and so 90's idea of using statistics. Clowns on unicycles is the new in-thing baby!

Maybe next, those people will conduct surveys to measure the hotness of a model by measuring the modulus of elasticity of a man's penis. Or gauge the "surprise" quotient of a statement by measuring Atal Bihari Vajpayee's reaction time. Or estimating the age of an object by asking Advani to recall it. Who knows, these people might check alertness of clowns on unicycles by asking them to report pedestrians talking on cellphones.