How To: Stop Behaving Like A Sissy, Plot The Downfall Of The Opposition While Rubbing Your Hands With Delight

Immediately after becoming BJP President, Nitin Gadkari reshuffled the party management. Out went all the old leaders, in came all the dashing, young ones (who were only 5-6 years younger). Gadkari tried to revitalize the party by imbibing the famed RSS discipline and by blending professionalism, glamour, youth and experience. Chintan Baithaks were organized, differences among the senior party leaders and infighting was resolved, opposition party leaders were abused. After waging a mini crusade against their traditional style of functioning, the BJP finally comes up with it's most ingeniously creative and original idea yet - a bandh.

So, as Rajnath Singh, Nitin Gadkari, and countless other party workers court arrest, the only ones rubbing their hands with delight in that comically devilish manner is the Congress top brass.

As the old, cheesy movie adage goes,"look within yourself, for the answer will come from within". The BJP too has a dormant giant within its rank. And to unleash this giant, all it has to do is follow my diabolical plan, i.e. how to Pwn the opposition and rub your hands with delight in a comically devilish way

Step 1 - Obliterate Sonia Gandhi.
Step 2 - Castrate Rahul Baba and place him under house arrest.
Step 3 - Kill Priyanka Gandhi.
Step 4 - Publicise Maneka and Varun Gandhi as the only living members of the Gandhi clan.
Step 5 - Wait for the next general elections. GAME OVER CONGRESS.

Invasion Of The Body Snatchers 2- Kept In The Dark

Continuing from my previous post, I am (not) a little sad to announce that aliens have succeded in taking over BJP's President, Rajnath Singh. The media caught wind of the abduction, and was successful in reporting it. But, if they had probed further, they would have come across that which lay just under the surface of things. The entire event was a well planned abduction by aliens. Under the cover of darkness, and at about 3,000 metres above sea level, they swiftly occupied Rajnath Singh's body.

The aliens finished him before he could say,"Jai Shri Ram!"

After capturing Rajnath Singh, the aliens started plotting to plunge the people of India into doom. They hatched an evil plan to ruin India forever. Rajnath Singh came out with his latest statement to the media- that there should be laws against mass religious conversions. Those aliens always knew religion controls a barrage of emotions. So what better thing to incite the people with? An approximate translation of his (we now know who it actually was...) statement is as follows-
The BJP has lost elections again. There need to be more Hindus in this country. Mass conversions should be banned and people should be forced to convert to Hinduism. Alleging that Pakistan is supporting conversion should garner enough attention. Thus we shall allow people to "choose their own religion". It is only then that our ideology of Hindutva can be saved from being rendered redundant. Certain states like Arunachal Pradesh, Madhya Pradesh and Jharkand have low Hindu population. We shall to do these states what we did to Gujarat and recently Orissa. Call Togadia!

Because of this statement, the people of India will completely loose confidence in the BJP and ruin themselves by voting the Congress into power, again and again, and again. Aliens-1,Sardarjis-0.

But this isn't our only concern. My highly effective intelligence sources tell me that this isn't the first instance. The aliens had already taken over Advani and Jaitley, who kept the other BJP leaders in the dark about ground realities. And they plan to keep this up via Rajnath Singh's statement.

They are already long gone